Life is a highway in The OpenDiary (OD) Days!

life is a highway - 9/11/2005

Two college guys take their virgin friend to get him laid for the first time. They go to a whore house and he picks the one he wants.

They go to her room and she asks the gentleman want he would like to do. Not knowing what he would like, he asks for the options.

The lady replies, "Well I can 1) give you a hand job, 2) two we can screw, or 3) we can 69." The man goes for option three, 69. The lady tells him to go on her and start kissing her genitals.

As the man starts to lick, the young lady cuts a real fart. She apologizes and the man continues.

She then farts again. Before she can say another word, the young man says "Listen lady, I don't know what this is all about but I don't think I can take 67 more of those."

Well I've just woken up and watched two episodes of the Simpsons.  Can't get enough of that show no matter how many times I've seen the episodes.  God Matt Groening must be a rich man lol.  So yeh I'm still a little sleep-eyed writing this, so bare with me.

I'm glad the last joke worked well - I thought it was abslutely hilarious the first time I heard it too.  This one is a little gross I guess, but still funny. 

Luk told me he's moving out, so I've gotta find somewhere.  i guess it's not as bad as last time, cos at least this time I guess I'll just pay double rent until I find somewhere else.  He said he felt really bad, and was resting his head on my for ages, before finally saying why he was doing this.  Apparently he still has feelings for me.  That stunned me.  I was under a completely different impression.  That just confuses things.  Just as I've moved on too.  God he's a weird one.  I'm not worried though.  We just both know we want to live apart.  I mainly feel bad cos I don't want to live with Addam, and his boyfriend is always on my back about it.  Oh well.  Luke says I've gotta look after myself for once.  I think I've realised he's right.

He came and visited me at work yesterday!  he walked up to me and said hi and was wearing a sleeveless shirt.  I took my lunch break right then and there, and went outside took my apron off, got my wallet and walked outside with him.  An hour lunch turned into an hour and a half.  Spent the whole time talking with him whilst eating Subway.  Sucks I couldn't hang out longer, but it was really nice of him to come in, cos he said he would.  Really really nice guy.  I dunno why I love hanging out with him so much.  I think this guy could be an awesome friend, and that's someone i feel i need right now.  But yeh, there's something about him.  We msg each other every night when he's not on msn.  Well it seems that way.  SO cute.

I feel bad I can't go to basketball with my mate Bill next week, cos of work commitments.  I'm sorry Bill, I feel I let you down all the time, if you're reading this.  It's the only bad thing bout having to work til 9:30 most nights.  If it was Tuesday night I could go, but not Wednesday-Friday lol.  And was invited to a video night Friday night as well but once again, work commitments.  Grrr!  Sometimes I hate being fulltime.  And the amount of tax we have to pay, my god, why don't I just offer my ass to John Howard to use for sexual purposes?  EWWWW, actually scrap that, thats disgusting.  But the point is I could pretty much be paying for an escort service with how much money goes to waste on that wanker.  I wonder how far up George Bush's ass he is these days.  haven't really been paying attention.  I pay my tax and put in a vote for the person with the weirdest name on the ballot form each election, that's as much inclusion I want to do with politics.

Well this was a weird entry, I'm going to meet up with an msn friend for a movie.  Hopefully Wallace & Grommit is out :)  take care guys!!

-Matt

Notes: --------------------------------------------------------------------

moving out? still has feelings?

bush's asshole?!?

:D what mooovviiee??? [penfifteen] 9/10/2005 11:10:55 PM

i have totally forgotten what i was gonna write in this note now lol. I only just woke up so my brains scattered still. Oh well lol. I cant wait to see Wallace and Gromit, it looks awesome! [SinderellaX] 9/10/2005 11:12:27 PM

I'm so excited about the new Wallace and Grommit! let us know how it is :) [doodlebugg] 9/11/2005 12:16:39 AM

Good luck on that. He still has feelings for you oh my wonder what will happen. [SEPIA EMISSION] 9/11/2005 12:47:29 AM

Yay, you seem to be of my political persuasion. That makes me happy. That, of course, is part of the I-refuse-to-give-a-shit party. --Matt [Matteo Al Monty] 9/11/2005 2:17:33 AM

wow.. i cant believe luke told u he has feelings for u... i hope u cope well with him moving out and all...

things are sounding good with ur mystery man, meeting u for lunch is a good sign! [rachface] 9/11/2005 4:14:28 AM

He sounds like he thinks there is something about you that he really likes too! This is always a good sign.

Sorry Luke is moving out but maybe this is his way of letting you know that both of you need to move on. Just my thoughts on this. I love the Simpsons. My favorites are Ned Flanders, Apu and Principal Skinner's Mom. In some bars here, they have "Simpsons trivia nights." Happy Weekend [pizzaguy184] 9/11/2005 5:09:08 AM

Ha ha is that how you vote? That's awesome. [frangipani] 9/11/2005 5:19:41 AM

wallace & gromit + simpsons = happy caity

<3 [easy, happy, endings] 9/11/2005 6:31:27 AM

Aw.

-James [Beez] [p] 9/11/2005 8:05:31 AM

lol, most of your american readers have no idea who John Howard is. We don't realize there are other countries.

At least ours can only be in office two terms. :-p [Sometimes El Gallo] 9/11/2005 10:10:59 AM

that joke makes me feel EXTREMELY dirty [SeNtInAlLoVe] 9/11/2005 12:04:05 PM

Wow..shocking news! I hope you can find a new place soon. I agree with the other noters: there seems to be something that he sees in you too. Exciting times! [broken.wings.] 9/11/2005 1:37:52 PM

Hope a finding a new place will go smoothly for you! (rustles hair) Your MSN friend sounds very cool. Well off to post a entry. [3daygomer] 9/11/2005 1:42:22 PM

Where do you work? [Archer_Mage] 9/11/2005 2:54:41 PM

hmm, he still has feelings. how interesting! it might be best that he is moving out then, to avoid uncomfortable situations and all.

:) [EternallyHopeful] 9/11/2005 4:08:05 PM

still has feelings. hmmm . . . i hate having no closure. [Prince Zidane] [p] 9/11/2005 4:31:29 PM

you've posted that joke before! LOL

did you know that there is a springfield in almost every city of the united states, but the one the simpsons is based on is right here in the pacific northwest? that's right! springfield, oregon! (where the dude is from!) [HotGayBoy80] 9/11/2005 5:14:45 PM

Well I'm no expert but I think it would be great if he moves out. Personally I think you have had enough emotional turmoil over him. But he is right about one thing..... YOU DO NEED TO LOOK OUT FOR YOURSELF!!

Ben [Taste The Rain Bow] 9/11/2005 5:20:25 PM

How great is it having so much simpsons on tv? you'd think we'd get sick of it and yet here comes another 3 hour marathon... Sigh. All we need is "Prisoner" back on air!

For the record, Howard has managed to squirm just a little further into Bush's arse. The only reason he can not go in any more is because the passage is being blocked by Tony and Cherrie Blair.

Catch you later :) [theotherme] 9/11/2005 5:50:16 PM

I hope things get better. Sorry to hear about Luke moving out. I love that joke. ~Rachel~

[tankerbrat8386] 9/11/2005 6:32:08 PM

And they say there are not educated voters out there...silly people. J/K, Take care guy. [C-Dub85] 9/11/2005 7:33:24 PM

hey, handsome, in a couple of days i'm going to release an entry . . . could you tell ness to read it, please? i hate drama, but he's a good enough writer that i'm willing to stomach a little of it. (oh, he is upset with me because he misinterpreted one of my notes.) thanks, babe.

[Prince Zidane] [p] 9/11/2005 11:00:12 PM

Wow things just keep getting more interesting for you everyday don't they?

Huggs!!!

[GardenBoi] 9/11/2005 11:01:19 PM

hmm. I really don't know what to say. How do you take the news that Luke still likes you? Do you still have feelings for him? IDK. Have fun at the movies! [The Male Poet] 9/12/2005 4:19:59 AM

Wallace & Gromit isn't here yet. You'll probably get it first because it would be considered a "foreign" film here. Just like you get U.S. films after we do. And sit there not understanding our funny accents. Sorry to here about Luke. He was leaving in December anyway but I'm sure it will be sad to see him go. As for your mystery "him?" Seems to be getting interesting. :-) Had fun in Seattle

Jeff [mobyduck] 9/13/2005 7:39:05 PM

LMAO !!

But yanno what ?? I work out with Tommy that we pay hardly ANY tax comapred to America.

Johnny might have his head up George's ass - but at least he's not ripping us off AS MUCH !!!!!

I effin' hate Mister Howard too..... [Ezra_Medic] 9/16/2005 8:49:14 PM

Last updated May 13, 2014