Thoughts on death... in The OpenDiary (OD) Days!

Thoughts on death - 8/11/2005

        A boy walks into his parents room to find his mom jumping on his dad so he runs back into his room. His mom followed him and asks, "Whats wrong, sweetie?" The boy asks, "What were you doing to daddy?" So she says, "Well sweetie you know your daddy has gotten really fat, so I was just flattening his belly for him" The boy replies, "Well what is the point if the neighbor comes over after you leave for work and blows it back up again?"

This entry deals with thoughts on death.  If this makes you uneasy, please don't read on.  Otherwise, enjoy my thoughts! :)

I know i've had this joke before, but it made me laugh again, so it deserves a second go :)

I'm in a very philosophical mood tonight, and in a mood where I don't feel like spelling wodrs write.  :P  I just got home from work.  Wasn't too bad.  Saw two cuties today - one at a bus stop on my way to work with his leg up on the seat- gorgeous gorgeous legs, and one was a customer at work that was worth a second look.

At work today, while doing my normal duties I have to do, I was thinking a lot about death and where we go after we die.  I think this also has occured because Luke and I were talking about this last night, cos him and his workmates went to Toowong Cemetary, to read the tombstones and stuff.  I've done that before also with a bunch oh mates of mine after church one day.

I must be the worst Christian on Earth lol.  Often I tell myself that but lately I've been caring less and less.  I still believe in God of course!  Just sick of being told how to do so, sorta thing ya know.  But this entry is about the death thoughts - the afterlife.  I'm not gunna delve into a huge novel on this, but basically I was thinking today, that when someone close to us dies, they become one with the angels and can see and hear everything we do.  Just like God can.  The good friends of course.  Now you can make what you want on that because everyone had different views, but it just made me feel really at-ease, I guess.  Like when someone dies, there are no secrets - when someone dies, they know everything about me they didn't know about me when they were alive.  So I feel as though, through death, eyes, ears and lives are layed out on the floor.  I mean I'd like to think when I die, that I'd be able to be a kind-hearted spirit/ghost/angel whatever for those who were close to me, or for the one person who meant the most to me in life.  If I could do it for more than one, then fabulous!  It'd be awesome to know everyone's secrets, so see how they really live their lives.  I reckon It'll happen.  I dunno why, I know it seems strange, but I reckon I can look out for those I love.  Death is a scary topic, but the bottom line, deep down, is that everyone dies.  When it will happen is unknown.  How it will happen is unknown.  But it's something that must be dealt with, it cannot be avoided.  I mean I look at myself and wonder how long I have left.  Like will I dye of old age?  Will God grant me wonderful full-life and allow me to experience everything wonderful on this Earth I can possibly do?  Will I get hit by a bus?  Will I be a victim of terrorism? Will I be shot?  Will they invent an immortal chemical before I dye?  Highly doubtful.  But then I thought, who would actually want to live forever?  I'm 21 now, and say the average age of death is around 80-85 years old for men, maybe younger, so on average, that equates to living this life another 4 times!  My 21 years has been a hell of a long time, and I am extremely happy I have been able to have this life.  I love who I am and I love knowing who I am.  I love the fact I'm attracted to other guys, and I love the fact that I am completely comfortable with being gay.  I have fun with it!  Where I will go when I die is anybody's guess.  Whether I go to Heaven or hell, or whether I become reincarnated as whatever creature, I don't know.  But my belief's having being raised that way, tell me it's either Heaven or Hell.  I'd really prefer Heaven.  But I really don't want to have to be judged for either..yet.  I would prefer to die from old age.  I would love to experience every single emotion and experience and adventure I can in this life I've been given.  I'd love to meet amazing new people, and hang out with old friends as much as possible, and just...enjoy life!  I mean, Luke was talking about how death happens to the people who least deserve it.  It's sad to think about it.  But we had this talk, and I guess now's the time to write about it and see how it comes out on paper.  Everyone dies, and how you handle the loss of a close-one's life, is how you're going to handle your own life.  It is a scary thought at the same time.  I apologise if I've made anyone uncomfortable with this.  It's just, I like to try to see every aspect of life, and although death is at the end of one, it is a huge part of it.  I was born, I will die.  I am living.  Where I will go from where I am now is a mystery.  So I guess this is what it means when motivational speakers say to 'live your life to the fullest!' - no-one really knows if or not this is the only live we've got.  The only reason I have to explain there IS an afterlife, is a little thing called faith.  It's amazing, but without it, I'd be a lot more scared of death than I currently am.  Sometimes I also think that death should be a celebration of somebody's life, not a time to grieve.  Stereotypically the latter can't be avoided, as tears will be shed at the loss of a loved one, and this brings me back to my afterlife-thoughts - I reckon I'd be really touched to be sitting as a spirit (in whatever form) at my own funeral, seeing how many people were shedding tears over me no longer being a part of their life.  I reckon it would be sweet.  I know this is a really strange entry for me to be writing, but I guess it shows a different (and rare) side that comes out of me every so often.

Notes: --------------------------------------------------------------------

it's all a mystery until ya finally die and find out I guess [.Konstantine.] 8/11/2005 8:40:18 AM

this is a really good entry. I do agree, death should be a time to celebrate the person's life, not mourn that they are gone...

death is just one big mystery, eh? has the best of us mystified, I guess it makes everyone equal in that way, no matter if you are rich or poor [Interpreter of Life] 8/11/2005 9:55:18 AM

Your faith is deep young jedi master...ok, I DO NOT know where that came from, I'm just in a silly mood. That was a touching entry and I share many of your views. Life should be celebrated for each life lived has added to the fabric of our existence. [C-Dub85] 8/11/2005 10:17:12 AM

Excellent entry Matt, you have a very good grasp on this topic and its really great that you have come to terms with it this early in your life, most men don't until they hit there forties and go through the dreaded mid-life crisis. Excellent entry...even with the typos...lol.

Huggs!!!

[GardenBoi] 8/11/2005 11:46:30 AM

death.what a sticky subject. It's a thing every human being must accept and understand as you said. But, what is it From your point of view, it is a gateway to the afterlife, whatever it may be.which is hopeful. Yes indeed but then, why do religions speak of afterlives in anycase? Is it to keep a person happy, or is it to keep a person running till the finishline, so many questions, nice entry tho [penfifteen] 8/11/2005 12:14:56 PM

don't apologize for what you've written . . . it's very well thought out and very well written. i'd love to talk to you about it sometime, if you have MSN or AIM. :-) actually, you're not the worst christian in the world. I am . . . i'm not even christian!!!! :-)

[Prince Zidane] [p] 8/11/2005 12:31:55 PM

I hope you aren't living your life in fear of death, because it is inevitable. I wonder about the same things you do, but without the god part...what will happen will always be a mystery to me. When I die, I think the answer to life on earth will remain a mystery. I do not think I will get the answers I want. [Jeffaphonic] 8/11/2005 1:06:42 PM

christianity is interesting....

while born a christian, and surrounded by christians, i can only accept so much of it.

death is always an interesting topic to approach [HotGayBoy80] 8/11/2005 2:25:55 PM

OMG I feel the same way...I believe in God and Jesus but I don't believe the crap in the bible..I don't think I am a sinner and I try to be a good person but if thats so called not good enough so be it.... Huggs Mermz

[Mermy] 8/11/2005 5:19:17 PM

I believe that when people die, all knowledge become available to them, but at the same time, I don't think they are too worried about knowing the little mudane details about each and every one of us. I'm sure as angels to God they have better things to do than evasdrop on people. [Orange Blossom] 8/11/2005 7:22:44 PM

I'm not scared of death. I have my beliefs of where I am going after this life and I know that I will have family waiting for me with open arms. I've been so close with so many people in my life who have died that it's not longer scary to me. [Orange Blossom] 8/11/2005 7:23:38 PM

No Matt you're not the worst hristian on earth Sometimes I think I am. I was raised in what I would call a conservative christian home and was always raised to believe that being gay was the sin of all sins. And what happensto me? I turn out gay. But I never ask to be gay. I wasn't ask if I wanted to be straight. But ya know we are just what we are. And yeah I think about death too. [Taste The Rain Bow] 8/11/2005 9:21:58 PM

NMaybe everybody does from time to time. I just know that I have a heart full of love for people and a lot of the so called christian community doesn't. No Matt there is nothing wrong with you. I can see a great deal of love and beauty in your entries. Never change. Stay the beautiful persone that you are. WOW long note I guess.

I send you love and my deepest respect....

Ben [Taste The Rain Bow] 8/11/2005 9:25:36 PM

The idea of my desceased friends watching me and knowing everything kinda creeps me out. Especially when you start thinking about people like grandparents or other old people, knowing about your sex life and such... But maybe that's just me...

~Andy [AndyPandy] 8/11/2005 9:47:14 PM

RYN: I applaud you for finding the pun. ;) [Sex Hound] 8/12/2005 11:03:41 AM

I have my own polytheistic ways of death. Since I worship the Olympian Gods, I shall be with the rest of the polytheistic bohemians like Virgil and Sappho in the Elysian Fields...besides even I was a christian...Sitting on a cloud for eternity? I have a nervous breakdown when I'm mountain climbing only five feet off the ground. [AndyFishy] 8/13/2005 1:56:12 AM

Always look to Buffy for guidance... Death; we all know it's coming, but "every single one of us is surprised when it happens." (Anya)

An OD friend LucidDarkness has just written an entry filled with great quotes on life and death. Check it out if you want :)

Anyway, catch you later :) [theotherme] 8/13/2005 12:35:03 PM

Moi, j'aime les mecs avec les... legs, aussi.

My brudder is reading this over my shoulder, I'm so damn sure. But I will come back soon and leave you a good, solid, meaningful note. In English. [Ness Macabre] 8/13/2005 12:59:57 PM

i dont know why "i was born. i will die" seemed so profound to me, but it did. nice entry, dude. [EternallyHopeful] 8/13/2005 4:11:26 PM

This is very interesting.Im not a devout christian but I try 2 do whats right.I have mixed feelings about death and where we go.I like 2 believe we go 2 Heaven. But I dont think the evil go there.I read the bible, and I have 2 believe (myself) that its real and true.What you think, seems very sad 2 me.I wouldnt be happy floating around seeing all the pain of my friends/family. Would U?

-=SG=- [-=Soul Girl=-] 8/15/2005 12:40:51 PM

This is a nice contrast to a book that I was reading where some of the characters no longer believed in the ability of the spirit to pass on to a different world. They're just stuck there and once they are no longer remembered, they fade away. I like your view better. :) [broken.wings.] 8/17/2005 9:01:04 PM

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Last updated May 13, 2014