Dreams in Many things

I’ve been having these dreams about my cat who passed away on July 23. At first, I didn’t dream about her at all. Then, last week on Monday I… Its difficult to describe. I dreamt about her, only very briefly. My dreams are normally vivid and well detailed where I can recall everything that happened. These were vague, distant glimpses of… I guess of what it felt like having her around. When I woke up that day I got the call that her ashes were ready to be picked up. I didn’t go, and I kept pushing it back to the next day and the next day. And I’ve been having these same dreams consistently.

Last Sunday my brother brought her ashes. I don’t know what or how to feel about it or what to do with it. I haven’t opened the packaging. It sits in my wardrobe along with a few of her belongings.

Today I woke up from a different dream. I remember she was running towards me and she jumped. I remember hugging her close to my chest. I remember telling her how much I missed her. And for a brief moment I felt my dog standing to the right of me. Even though I didn’t see him there, I felt his presence, the way that only dreams can show you. And then, I must have realized that this was a dream or maybe I woke up for a moment because I remembered that I lost them, and I remembered all the hurt that comes with it.

I feel guilty for leaving her ashes inside of the wardrobe, hidden away. She always wanted to be free. I loved that she chose to stay by me.

Last updated August 10, 2021