I miss you Mom. You taught me alot. How to be independent, strong and not put up with people's shit. She also taught me how to do it "alone" that you don't need a man in order to make in this world. I have been doing that for years. I miss how every Mother's Day weekend I would make her a new flower bed ( I hid the planting on the other side of the garage so she couldn't see them ) so as she sat at the kitchen table having her coffee and cig she could watch life outside. I would buy rose bushes, bleeding hearts, african violets anything to bring color and life. I bought her a bird bath that I have right now in my front yard at w/m. It's actually an ugly cement thing but fill it water and they come and make it beautiful.
Taking care of her was one of the best and hardest things I have ever did in my life. It was hard ( boy did we fight - she hated the thought of giving up control of the smallest of things ) yet we had alot in common. We would watch movies together and laugh our asses off. I would make great dinners and we ate well. On times when I didn't feel like cooking we would eat backwards. I would go up to the local Diary Queen and 2 peanut buster parfaes with extra hot fudge. Eat dessert first life is uncertain. I fell asleep with her many times as she took her breathing treatments - the humm of the machine would put me to sleep. She would tell me I needed to get out more so I would shower, put on make up and go out only to turn around and come back shower again take off my make up and get in jammies. Yes, at times she was a pain in the ass but I have come to realize the only people who are a pain in the ass are the ones you love. Forget the rest. I know she is looking down on me today and is near me. I feel her. I know she is watching me. When I felt crappy with the cold I picture her in my head telling me to slow down and take it easy and I did on friday. I know she is proud of me even with all the stuff that happened. I just wish she could have seen my home well she has just not in person. When she passed on April 25'th 2005 I moved up here 6 months later and my life began with out a Mom or Dad or even sisters for that matter. It feels like 1,000 years ago sometimes and sometimes it just feels like yesturday. Life goes on. When I lost Mom I felt like an orphan and some times I still do. But I know now that her and Dad and Grandman and Grandpa are together along with all my aunts and uncles. So they aren't alone and they alll watch over me.
I thanked my Lil Lady this a.m. for letting me sleep in and enjoy my morning with my fur kids and coffee and watching my favorite tv show "Sunday Morning".
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