Never assume you belong. Never assume they want you around. You aren’t good, you’re-
Spiralling spiralling spiralling. An old friend visited, it’s you! A lover of Vonnegut, embracer of Gonzo style, an eccentric lunatic with an expanded lexicon, more passionate more hopeful more ALIVE are you still there? Someone who was hiding, what exactly?
That every day you compulsively think about killing yourself, and some days it doesn’t feel like an intrusive thought.
You didn’t call, did you? You spent three hours crying into a blanket, silently anguished, but you think they won’t believe it’s. This. Bad. That you’ve been compounding the years of self hatred, that it’s seizing you and it won’t release you and how, how could they help anyway?
Sometimes,
It’s easy to push it away. You can pass your hand through it, a trail of smoke. You can continue, without thinking of how really, you’re averting your eyes from the flames.
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