Annie's Song in Many things

It’s past 6pm on a Monday evening. The sun is still up, the leaves are vividly green. I hear a car at a distance and a dog barking behind the noise. It’s been 8 days since I lost my dog and I feel some comfort in knowing that he isn’t suffering anymore. But like a cruel joke my cat’s mammary tumor which was surgically removed found its way into her lungs. I thought that she would have more than a month after surgery. She hasn’t been breathing well since 4 days ago. I visited two vets today. The first for an x-ray, and the second to remove the liquid from her lungs. I was prepared to spend over a $1k with some pretentious vet for this procedure but my brother fortunately found another asking for 1/4 of the cost. In any case I’ll go broke if I continue but can’t help but feel like a greedy asshole if I don’t. It’s the first time I cried in public while asking the vet “what can I do” because of the pure hopelessness. Its only been 2 hours and although she came home breathing and feeling back to normal with appetite and all, right now I hear her wheezing.

I remember how she used to bite the hell out of my right arm when I needed to give her a bath, but one day she held back her instinct and never bit me again. I liked to think it’s because she thought of me as a friend and didn’t want to hurt me anymore. What happened to those summer days when life felt eternal.

Last updated July 19, 2021