The Love Of My Life Walked Away The Other Day in On The Topic Of nothing:
- July 13, 2021, 10:20 a.m.
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- Public
I’ve been with her two and a half years and she makes me so happy. Last week I noticed a change in her. Just little things. The way she dressed. She went out with a coworker that she usually invites me along with, not this time. I ask her if she wanted to make love and she turned me down (which is super out of character for her, She didn’t respond to the texts I sent her though the week. Just a weird week.
Friday rolls around I tell her I’m going to do something with her brother and I’d be home later, we we came back to the house for a minute and she was there about to walk in. I hug her and ask her if she wants to go get Mexican food with us, and she responds with “no” again super odd. While we’re out she text me that she needs to take something to her mom, and she’s going to spend the night because she didn’t want to drive home in the dark. Odd but no big deal.
The next day I text her that I was going to do some stuff, and she never responded. Her uncle was having a family cookout that day and her grandma had invited me. My GF didn’t text me back so I took the hint that she didn’t want to communicate with me. I sit down and watch Ganges of new York and drink bourbon for Independence Day. I was sorta hurt that she didn’t ask me to go watch fireworks or anything with her.
Next day I’m sick of moping around the house so I get up go for a hike, have breakfast and go work on a project with my dad. As soon as I get to my parents house she sends me a text “working today?” I told her “yes” and she told me to be careful. I got home very late that night and she’s sitting in on the couch with the hallway light on. Sorta creepy. I ask her about what has been going on. I mean I’m not stupid I know things are wrong. Then she goes into this big spill about her not being happy because she never gets to make important decisions. Back when we were looking for a house she would send me houses and ask me what I thought. Most were over priced for what they were and there were things I didn’t like about them, my opinion exactly what she ask for. But that has become me controlling her and being emotionally abusive in her words. Frankly I have my opinion and I really didn’t want to see us waste a hundred thousand hard earned dollars in a shitty housing market. So she told me why she was having problems. Then I decided to tell her how upset I was about her actions the entire last week and how much I hated what she did over the weekend. The whole lack communications and just leaving with no game plan. All I could think all weekend is “what if something happened to her and didn’t get to see her again” 4th July weekend has been a pretty bad weekend for my family over the years… I thought we had our talks out so I got up walk over to her and held out my hand, and she took it and I gave her a big hug, then I went and took a shower and we went to bed.
in the morning, I woke up at like 6 do my morning stuff. She’s sitting in bed just in a stair. I ask her what’s on her mind “nothing” then I ask again “I like how you decided when the conversation was over last night…” I thought it was over, she said her piece I said mine. Plus I had just been doing carpentry work that day for like 12 hours, I was tired. So we sat around in silence from 7-10ish and I figured if we’re going to be salient and depressed then I’m just going to lay down. She came in to the room and sat at the foot of the bed and ask me “what do you want me to do” I said “what do you mean?” No answer. A few minutes later she packs a little bag and says she’s going to her moms.
Frankly I don’t know what to do, I mean my goal at life is trying to make her happy but at the end of the day only she can make herself happy. I don’t go around requiring people to keep me happy. I have to admit I’ve been pretty sad about it. I really don’t want to go though this. I mean we’ve been talking about marriage, homes, and kids. Frankly, this whole ordeal really bothers me.
It probably didn’t help that I watched gangs of New York the other night either, that movie puts me in a mood.
Update: I’m kind of in a different perspective about things at the moment and maybe I’ll write a post about that in a day or two if you want to keep up with my shitty little life things.
Soulshine ⋅ July 13, 2021
I am with PoO up there, this wasn't very good partner skills. She tried to tell you what was bothering her and you told her YOU were upset with her for being upset? No, she didn't handle it well by just avoiding you but she's clearly working through some things and doesn't feel confident about your future together. If she feels that you are emotionally abusive and controlling, clearly this is about more than just a house, and you need to sit down and listen to why she feels this way and see if there is any validity to it. Your goal in life might be to make her happy, but to do this she also needs to feel heard and respected, and it sounds like she doesn't feel either of those. I hope you can sort it out but remember to listen.
juliuslargo Soulshine ⋅ July 13, 2021
I figured my worries were just as valid as hers. In my area there have been like 10 young women disappear without a trace in the last month. She left on a holiday when any number of strangers are going to be wondering around town. And she decides to completely cut communications? I was worried sick and sorta pissed off about it. What if she had been trafficked and no one would have known anything until she didn't show up for work for a few days... When am I suppose to voice my concerns? I'm not going to sit down and swallow them. I've done that in the past and it nearly cost me my life.
I would give anything in this world if people just told you how they felt without taking a trip around the world to try and get me to figure it out. I don't have a masters in psychology, I'm not a mind reader, The world is black and white to me, it's a yes or a no. That means it's never maybe. Most folks I know love pitching out maybe. Any way thanks so much for the comment!
Soulshine juliuslargo ⋅ July 14, 2021
Dude you literally have had like 4-5 people tell you the same thing above and you still do not get it. When someone is upset enough with you to consider LEAVING you, then NO, your worries are not as valid as hers because they are HER WORRIES that stemmed from YOUR actions. She did communicate with you, she did text you, just not when YOU wanted or as frequently as YOU wanted. Notice that you didn't text her and said you were worried about her and to please call or let you know she was ok, or that you were concerned for her safety, that was only something you said after. Also, she DID tell you what's bothering her and gave examples, it doesn't take any degree to be able to ask her more questions, ask for more examples and think those through and see where she is coming from. Just because you don't agree with them immediately (ie the house) doesn't mean you can't talk them through or empathize with her. You like black and white? She sat down with you and said "what should I do?" meaning, should I leave you or not, and what did you say? "what do you mean" Come on man, she is asking if you want her, if you love her and want her to stay, don't be so dense! That's about as black and white as it comes.