28 - 05 - 21 in Diary of a Useless Lesbian

I have a theory. This summer and Sienna thing must be getting in my head a bit. It’s not because I feel I relate to them personally - well maybe in some ways - but they have both done very crazy and unhinged things and I can honestly say I have never done anything as crazy as that. Neither has Sim.
However Sim and I have used people - sometimes without meaning to. Sometimes we didn’t even realise it’s what we were doing at the time and only realise now looking back at it. But whilst we caused pain and upset to other people we still got hurt ourselves. There’s no smoke without fire and we really did cause some pretty big metaphorical fires in our lifetimes.
I have used men to my advantage my whole life without even knowing it. There were some I didn’t use, Edwardo for example. I was and still am just kind to him because I love him with all my heart and soul. I feel as if I need to protect him at times and I am sure he feels the same way.

Continued at 12:40am
Sim is the love of my life. I know I will never love anyone again the way I love her - even if god forbid I ever did lose her I don’t want anyone else. I couldn’t even imagine looking at someone else the way I look at Sim or having someone else look at me the way she does. I am so loved, and made to feel so at home in her presence. I have to go now she’s coming back (she left the room) and yes of course I did write all of this completely baked out my tree.

13 - 07 - 21
I never actually got to my point with this journal entry - what I was trying to say is that I could relate to Sienna and Summer because they both talk about the darkness in them that when people see it it makes them run.
Sim and I are similar in the sense that we have a dark past and we still have that darkness deep inside our souls somewhere and whilst that darkness scares other people - with her and I we see the darkness and just accept it. We embrace it. We love every part of each other, the good and the bad no matter what.