After a couple of years of heavy skepticism with romance, I decided to watch a romantic comedy again.
Okay, it was actually an accident. I finished work and the movie “Superintelligence” was on. At first, I thought it was just another sci-fi/comedy – especially since Melissa McCarthy and Bobby Cannavale are the leading actors.
Then, when I saw that there was romance too (I love Bobby Cannavale’s character named George here, by the way), I froze. I should’ve gotten up and started doing something else to distract myself in my small rented room.
Instead, I stayed seated and watched the rest to the end. Yes, there were laughter and some funny scenes. There were also some ‘awww’ moments. To my surprise, I found myself tearing up … even just a bit. As cliché as this may sound to you, I don’t remember the last time I was like that.
Imagine the last chance to say ‘I love you’ and ‘goodbye’. What would you do? Would you just tell them that, straight out in the open? Would you just spend your last day with them, no matter what? Would you just do something special for them and with them? What?
Would you do all of that, knowing you may never see them again?
I still can’t believe that I’ve gotten so emotional over it. Perhaps it wasn’t the movie at all. Maybe it’s this ongoing, #Covid19 pandemic too.
Maybe it’s other things too. A lot of terrible events keep happening around this world. Crazy times.
I don’t need to say much about the tragedy that had claimed the lives of the 53 Indonesian navy officers while submerging in KRI Nanggala 402. It had made national headlines and was considered a national tragedy.
Imagine having the last day of your life, unable to bid farewell to your loved ones. They knew it was part of their many risks regarding their profession.
What would you do if today were your last chance to say ‘I love you’ and ‘goodbye’ to anyone you wanted to? I know I’ve said this before, but I’m worried. You see, I’m still the proud kind. I don’t just say those words easily to anyone.
Not even to people I really, really love. I sometimes wonder if – I happened to die or disappeared all of a sudden (God forbid!) – they’d probably get to know my real feelings for them after reading so much stuff I’ve written so far.
I hope not. I admit that some old habits are hard to break. They’ve already become part of you, shaping your character.
These days, I don’t know whether I should try my hardest to change that or just let myself stay that way. I know you might think I’m crazy and being such a pessimist. I don’t see the point right now. All I know is that the risk of showing how much you love someone – anyone – also means the risk of getting yourself hurt.
Honestly? I’m still scared. I still don’t know how to stop being afraid of this. I just know that being alone somehow still feels safer. You don’t get hurt, especially from your own stupid expectations towards other people. You learn to look after yourself more like you always do. People change, so do you.
Nothing lasts forever …