Trajectory in Many things

Earlier this year I put together a diet plan for myself. I also purchased a treadmill a few months earlier because my gym kept closing due to the virus. I’m around 5lbs away from my target weight which I know doesn’t sound like a lot, but I put in a lot of effort to get this far. However during the past few weeks I’ve been losing a lot of weight by the wrong means.

I haven’t been able to eat more than 500-600 calories a day. I don’t have the appetite even though I can feel my stomach hurting. My mood has been mostly going back and forth between this agonizing feeling of pending doom, and some sort of escape watching Star Trek Discovery which depicts a world of hope and many possibilities. If I had watched any of the series as a kid I would have had a passion to become a scientist instead. At least I like to think so. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to respect and admire the profession. I think its the most noble of profession. To illuminate ignorance, the root of all evil.

I feel like this experience has changed some variables in my life of: what’s important to me, who matters, and how I want to proceed. And it all involves family.

I was thinking about my future through all these constant reminders of death. I wish that the one I will end up with could have met my dog, so that at least a part of him would live through our memories. I regret it. My father is in his mid 60s. My uncles and aunts from his side have passed away around this age. It weighs very heavy on my heart. So unless I want to be miserable and die full of regrets, I hope that whoever I fall in love, get married to and have children with, gets to know my father.

To end on a positive note, I took my dog out on a walk twice today. He seemed happy and a bit energetic. I’m glad.

Last updated July 06, 2021