23 - 02 - 21 in Diary of a Useless Lesbian

I’ve never actually tried to put my feelings for Sim into words. Probably because there are no words good enough to describe the deep routed feelings I have grown for her in such a short space of time and how happy she makes me. I am so in love with her.
It’s almost like I was living my life in black and white and then when I met her everything was in colour and bright and vibrant and the world was a better place to be and to explore. She “doesn’t do beautiful” so I never tell her this but she is honestly the most beautiful, kind and innocent soul I have ever met. She is no angel but she is innocent. She deserves better than what life has given her, so I am giving her what I think she deserves and doing my best to make her the happiest person in the world. I don’t even mean she is beautiful in the physical sense (although she is insanely attractive and she looks more handsome in a button up shirt than anyone I have ever known!) I mean she is beautiful in the sense that I have never met a person that can be so kind, so caring and genuinely truly looks at me with nothing but true love in her eyes.
Oh god her eyes! Now they are beautiful, I have to stop myself from looking at them especially in the sunlight. If I allow myself to look at them for too long I just begin to get lost in them. I already stare at her for way too long, mostly when she isn’t looking mind you but that’s only because I’m afraid if she caught me staring she would get uncomfortable or something.
I’ve never been so proud to call someone my girlfriend. My life partner. Even my soulmate. She’s so perfect for me in ways I didn’t even know I needed. She’s brought me such genuine happiness. I don’t think I’ve felt this feeling since I held AJ for the first time. If I had to choose a flaw about her it would be that she never believes me when I tell her how amazing she is. Sometimes I wish she could see herself the way I see her because if she could she’d never doubt me again. She makes me laugh more than anyone ever has. I’ve never laughed so much and so hard with anyone else. I’ve also never felt as special with anyone else, so comfortable and taken care of. I’ve never put my heart and soul into a relationship before. Never had such a strong desire to cherish someone and make them as happy as possible. But with her I would do literally anything to see her smile. Mind, body, heart and soul she owns it all. I belong to her now.
Do not even get me started on the sex holy shit! Everything about it from start to finish, every single time is happens is incredible. Every time she touches me my body tingles and wants more. Sometimes I stop her because it feels so intense that the vulnerability scares me. My feelings for her scare me sometimes because what if one day she leaves me? If she ever did I have no idea what I would do.. How how I would recover..
Thing is though she makes me feel so secure and safe and happy. She is the one person I know I can trust with anything and everything.
The one person who knows me inside and out and seen every part of me and never judged me or made me feel bad for the things I have done when the darkness has come.
She just loves me unconditionally and I feel the same way about her.
Sim I love you and if you ever see this, well now you know.. I love you xxx