Well then, it is clearly roses on the flower clock. There is a cottage front yard chock full of roses and weeds and a stray iris or two down one of the main drags in what used to be our neighborhood (before the freeway and “urban development” chopped it into pieces) that is completely overgrown and going wild right now. Clearly the devoted gardener that used to tend it is no longer able to. But the roses, blowsy and fragrant survive.
I walked by it Wednesday with Charity and then again yesterday with Mrs. Sherlock. There was a guy behind us with a proper camera taking pictures as well.
Since I started the intuitive eating program weeks and weeks ago one of the things one works on is identifying actual hunger cues. I thought I knew what hunger felt like and I was all puffed up that I was eating lots of small meals to keep my blood sugar levels even, blah blah blah when I was actually restricting and forcing myself to eat stuff I thought, that I bought into, was good for me.
I get up early and eat early and so by the time Mrs. Sherlock and I had been walking and talking and admiring all the gardens I was hungry. Not crazy hungry but hungry hungry; like it would be a good time to eat right now hungry.
When I do these walks with my friends, I try to give us the opportunity to pit stop at a coffee shop and a bathroom along the way. On this route we have a favorite Moroccan coffee shop. I usually don’t get anything and sit outside and give Frieda a treat while they go in. If it is warm, I sometimes used to get an iced green tea with Splenda.
Yesterday I asked if they had muffins. Mrs. Sherlock brought me a homemade pumpkin scone that was absolutely delightful. She got a sweetened iced green tea with a fresh sprig of real mint in it. Beautiful to look at, she said it tasted good too.
This anti-diet reprogramming that I am doing is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. I bought into this line, that good things are only available to thin people since I was a kid.
And you know what, based on the received wisdom by the authorities in our lives including the whole darn medical profession, they are right, but not because it is true but because we are trained in fat prejudice our whole lives.
I was listening to a fat activist talk the other day about how when she is out and about in the world, she regularly gets stopped by complete strangers that look at her with concern and say, “I am worried about your health”. Strangers!
No really, we are all projecting our phobia about bigger bodies on others. I totally do this. I am not proud of it, and it is something I work hard at controlling.
But the thing is, seriously folks, if you don’t know a way, a real genuine absolute way that doesn’t involve buying things so that someone profits to help someone maintain a smaller weight and thrive, and maybe even if you think you do, it is none of your business. If diets worked there would not be a diet industry.
If I believed I could be “thin” again and maintain it without an absurd unsustainable effort I would, but I did way too much damage to my system believing I could all these years to have that realized. It is so sad. There is so much suffering around this whole topic and it touches us all.
You know what is my business? My socially isolated Q-Anon following upstairs neighbor who through the whole pandemic has been wearing a bandana casually (and loosely) around his face when he is out exercising, who is now, since the last week and a half wearing a properly fitting mask (even alone in his car) and staying away from others. He is practically shouting…I am not vaccinated and the fact that you are scares me.
Fine. I believe it when they say the pandemic is as bad here right now for the unvaccinated as it was during the peak and that almost all the new cases are coming from social gatherings where unvaccinated folks are dropping all the safety protocols.
If an individual who is unvaccinated is scared enough to wear a mask, keep their distance and wash their hands, hey, good on you. Carry on.
Last updated May 31, 2021