Curled up in a Ball in Everyday life

It’s been a while since I posted here. I love this as an anonymous outlet. I can write without restrictions and he can’t stalk me.

It’s been a long seven months. I did move out a week later. He freaked out when I told him about 4 days before. I’m pretty sure he went into what one would call psychosis. Went from throwing things around the house to turning lights off and on all night, to rocking on his bed talking repeatedly to himself. It was one of the craziest things I have ever witnessed. The day before we were supposed to move, he never cave home from work. Instead drank and did drugs and attempted suicide by running into a parked car and spent the next three nights in jail (I can’t make this shit up). I still moved… with help from the neighbors. I honestly don’t know what I would have done without them.

Me, being the sucker I am, allowed him back into our lives when he got out of jail. He stayed in our townhouse for another five months. He was very well behaved for the most part.... until Valentine’s weekend.

We went out for a nice dinner, the four of us, all dressed up. We came home to watch a movie afterwards. My son on the loveseat, and the dogs, my daughter, him and myself in the sofa. My daughter fell asleep lying on top of me both of our feet strewn across his lap. I feel asleep as well to him rubbing my feet.

The next day was Valentine’s. My daughter was very quiet and withdrawn. I didn’t think a lot of it, her being a teenage girl, sometimes she would get into these “moods”. All four of us went bowling with my dad. It was nice, but my daughter was acting strange.

The next day, after work, I picked up my daughter from her friend’s and she climbed into the car and before I could even put the car in drive she said “Mom, you need to promise you won’t overreact but I need to talk to you before we go home.” I said “ok… I can’t promise because I’m not sure what you’ll say, but I’ll do my best.” She proceeded to tell me that Saturday night, while we were both asleep on the couch, she woke up to him arousing himself with her feet… this went on for what she said felt like a long time and she’s pretty sure he shoved his junk in between her toes, but couldn’t see because the blanket was covering them. She said she froze and just kept pretending to stay asleep. She begged me not say anything until they left for their dad’s house the following weekend.

It was a long, long week. For the safety of my kids, I said nothing until they left. I told my father and he said he wanted to be there, so my boyfriend wouldn’t hurt me, but couldn’t be there until the day after the kids left. So the first night, I was alone with him, but chose not to say anything for fear of my life. I couldn’t look at him or really speak and was struggling to maintain my composure, so I pretended to fall asleep on the couch as a coping mechanism. That son-of-a-bitch decided to fuck my toes too! I couldn’t believe what he was doing and yet out of complete fear for my life, I pretended to be asleep as well. My heart hurting for knowing what my daughter experienced… the fear, the confusion, the betrayal.

The next day, my dad called and said he couldn’t be there and I would have to do it alone. I was so scared. I went home after work, sat down on the couch and confronted him… I have no idea how I stayed so calm doing so. I told him to leave. He stood up, packed all of his stuff into my car and I took him home.

Once I got back home… I curled up in a ball, alone and cried the entire night.

Last updated July 05, 2021