Stuff Don't Stick in These Foolish Things

  • May 27, 2021, 12:51 p.m.
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  • Public

Oh shoot. I started an entry yesterday and then had to close out. I thought that PB would save the draft. It used to! What happened?

How are you lately? I’ve been really good! Kind of shockingly good, in fact. This week I’ve been having a little bit of feel-good guilt because I didn’t get the part of my chemo infusion that creates the worst side effects. So I’ve been enjoying the lack of nausea, skin issues, foggy brain, headache, muscle cramps, etc. etc. It almost feels like I had no chemo at all last week, but that’s not the case. I had two major infusions. That just goes to show how hardcore oxaliplatin is. No wonder it’s $10K per dose!

Now, let’s just hope that this little rest has helped my body manufacture more blood platelets.

I’ve started with the papaya extract tabs and I’ve stopped taking anything that has turmeric in it (didn’t realize that turmeric lowers blood platelets!), and I’m eating as many leafy greens as I can. If what I’m doing doesn’t help and I’ve been off the oxaliplatin for a month (by the time I get my next chemo), then I don’t know what’s wrong!

I haven’t been doing well with my morning cardio this week. I did a new video on Monday morning and it was great and I felt good, but the rest of the week has been meh. One day it was raining, but the other days I’ve actually gotten out earlier and taken the dog for a couple of nice long walks before work. They are great for getting outside and getting the blood flowing, but not so great for cardio because I can’t work up the speed in work clothes. I suppose that getting out and walking is better than nothing. Still, I really feel like I need the cardio and a bit of muscle building. Tomorrow morning it’s supposed to be raining so I will need to get my ass up and doing the workout inside.

As for work, it’s been INSANE. Remember that stuff I wrote about supply chains and what’s going to happen with the economy? It keeps going and growing. We have a monster on our hands. It’s getting increasingly hairy just like I (as well as economy experts) said it would. I’ve had to have emergency meetings with the execs where we cut out a bunch of my product (after it’s already been made) because the company doesn’t want to pay the container fees to ship this stuff in. I understand it, but it was starting to really stress me out…

Until I thought to myself, WHY?! I am in no place to be stressed out about any of this. And so I’ve been practicing letting that shit go. Sure, some things have still been getting under my skin - the lunchtime meetings called at the last second, the 8am zooms and the 5pm zooms, but in the grand scheme of things, I ain’t got time for worry over this shit.

Oh…and my engineer quit. His last day is June 11th, and again, I can’t stress over it. Stuff will get done. I will stumble and I will work through all of this with chemo and nausea and whatever else comes my way. I just can NOT stress over whether a container full of doggie stuff makes it overseas within 65 days or not.

Also, I will move! Again, not stressing over it. I’ve figured out that I can sell my stuff on Facebook Marketplace like hotcakes! I sold my glam sofa and my pretty velvet side chairs in a split second. Granted, I sold them for next to nothing - just didn’t want to pay anyone to haul the stuff out, you know? It was worth it just to have someone move those pieces out. I’m ready for a whole new look!

So things are moving along. Next week I will have my 6th chemo infusion (halfway through treatment, can you even believe?!) and continue to pack stuff and make sure I have a new daycare for Martini when she needs it and continue to work through it all.

The only thing missing right now is, and you know where I’m going, a partner. Sure, I have my friends and I have my family and I love them. But uuggghhhh. I just crave someone to lean on.

But then, I have been watching Chemo Crush from afar on Instagram and I found out that he’s going through a breakup with someone toxic and that’s got to be crushing as well. Imagine going through cancer treatment and breaking up with someone?! That just sucks so hard.

So there’s this weird feeling of… I’d really love to be with someone but not with someone causing drama. I’d love the support but not the responsibility. It’s a strange place to be. It’s a struggle.

And I love going to bed around 8:30pm so there’s that. Who has time to date? Hah.

Well, gotta roll. I need to walk the dog again and then get back to figuring out how to bring product to the market before the bottom falls out!

Love yous,

Complicated Disaster May 27, 2021

I'm so happy you're doing well! I think about you all the time! <3 xx

WhatDreamsMayCome May 27, 2021

Been waiting for an update. Glad you are doing well and not sweating the "small" stuff. Good wishes your way.

colder May 27, 2021

I am old enough that going to bed at 8:30 sounds like a dream world 😆

Jinn May 27, 2021

I love your attitude and outlook. The most important thing at this time is your health. Nothing else matters as much . You really have the right perspective !

Parliament May 27, 2021

If you want to trade in textiles for electronics, I can send you the link to our career web site. :-)

plushcreep May 27, 2021

I just watched a Curb Your Enthusiasm episode where Larry was talking about how you can't break up with somebody who has cancer because that makes you the biggest asshole in the world. Assuming Cancer Crush's spouse is the one who initiated the proceedings, I guess she didn't get the memo.

Then again, it could very well have been him, I suppose.

Marg May 28, 2021

It’s maybe just not the right time for a partner right now but when you’re free of all this shit - look out world!! :)

Elaine Benes May 29, 2021

Yay for being halfway through your treatment! I love that you’re going with a while new look at the new place. Do you know what kind of look you want?

pandora June 05, 2021

I cannot imagine dealing with chemo AND a break-up - I wonder if it's related or just awful timing?! Some people cannot handle someone else's illness. Tig Notaro has a good memoir about her own experiences with cancer (and a break-up, and sepsis, and her mother dying, all in a two or three month period?!?!?).

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