Awake but really tired.
I’m in bed, not the couch.
I’ve been reading the NOFX biography The Hepatitis Bathtub And Other Stories. Have said and will continue to say (whenever I hear about a band or musician) Damn, I thought I had substance abuse issues.
I’ve done pretty much everything but the line I will not cross is heroin. Reading about (and hearing first hand accounts from friends) dope sickness. I’ve done blow for like three days straight, not really sleeping (if at all) and the inevitable crash I had from that was days and days of being a complete horrible mess. But dope sickness? Sweating, aches and pains, the nausea? Oi. Quitting cigarettes had me irritable as Hell and I can be an unbearable prick when I’m craving booze…but I never want to go through (little less than imagining it) dope sickness.
A thought has been in my mind lately though. If I got access to pot again, would I get some? I’ve been using the Delta 8 vape for a whole now and they do the trick. But do I want to get Willie Nelson-ish high again? I’m afraid I’d not know how to handle myself.
Kid at work was hardcore pressuring me Friday night to go out to the club. I was adamant on my no’s. Even going as far to say I wouldn’t even go to a bar. I hate clubs and being at a bar…I’d feel so out of place now. Part of growing up I guess? That and I know if I went to one specific bar I’d bet money I’d still find the same barflies that hung out there when I did still occupying their stools listening to the same songs on the jukebox.
Have parts of my life been wasted?
Chasing the next drink, drug or girl?
Or all three at the same time?
I should really try to sleep.