There’s this one lady who has really fucked with my head through a few of my manic episodes. Telling me she is some higher dimensional being and that she knows who I am and that I’m fucking up my life and avoiding my true calling. And I’ve talked with some people on here about her and I’ve had a few people tell me that she basically goes around leaving miserable comments all over this site.
I’ve read some of her posts. For such a higher dimensional being, she’s a pretty fucking miserable person who makes terrible life decisions.
Anyway, after my last post she left some comment like, “I’m sure your son and your step kids love watching you drink and drug yourself to death. Just imagine what they’ll be thinking and feeling when they have to bury you. Stop fucking up and accept your true calling” or some shit like that.
I took a lot of offense to that.
I’m doing better than I’ve ever done, and a lot of people have been drinking too much during the lockdowns.
Here, in California, we were locked down for almost an entire year. It was pretty miserable and definitely shook me. And I know I started using alcohol to cope with it. I realize that. But I don’t sit and get drunk. I get maybe a mild buzz going, but I never get drunk. It’s not like I have the shakes or need to have a drink just to stop feeling sick. I’ve been there before, and that’s a dark place to be.
That aint me.
Also mushrooms are the safest “drug” on the planet, and actually the only “drug” I consider to be true medicine. I know I know, people call getting stoned “medicating” and they say it’s a plant not a drug, and it’s medicine and all of that…but dude, if you’re just getting high to get high, call it what it is. You don’t need to lie to kick it. Just admit you like getting stoned and stop pretending it’s giving you health benefits.
Now, ecstacy, I can not vouch for. That’s straight up taking drugs. And I am going to take some next weekend, and you know what? It’s been years since I have last touched it, so I think I’m going to be okay. Also, not doing it around my family.
So, drink and drug myself to death? Jesus Christ, get over yourself.
It’s really been bothering me…her comments always have bothered me. I’ve let them get inside my head and fuck with me. I don’t know why. I typically don’t care what people think, and that’s what’s so scary about her comments. Why do I care what she has to say? That’s what’s fucked with me so hard, because in some psychotic episodes I have fully believed I am an alien from another planet…a higher dimensional being myself, and I am here on earth to help save and guide humanity. And I had written about that kind of stuff, and I wonder if she was just using that shit against me, just to get into my head because misery loves company…or if she’s telling the truth.
I don’t know.
I still communicate with higher dimensional beings, even on my antipsychotics, so I truly do believe that it’s something that’s really happening. I communicate with my dead grandpa as well. I believe that. So it just gets to me.
Blah blah blah. I just had to come here and rant about it.
Thanks for listening.
Love you tons.
I hope you’re having a good day.
I’ll talk to you soon.