#TMIFiles: The Return of Foxy (Chemo Talk) in These Foolish Things

Hello!! Yesterday was chemo infusion #3 of 12. It went well. In fact, so much better than I was worrying about earlier in the day. Prepping for chemo with the icing protocol and making sure I have everything ready to go (gloves, socks, ice pack refills, extra ice, snacks, blanket, slippers, nausea candies, lotion, lidocaine, ipad, earbuds, phone…the list goes on) is stress-inducing and on top of that I have to get Martini ready to go to daycare and yesterday I wanted to make sure I had time to go to the grocery store to get some popsicles for mouth icing.

I ended up getting to the infusion center an hour early! Luckily, there’s a park right next to the center and it’s a gorgeous little walk and it was cool (cold, actually) and sunny and lovely. That helped my frame of mind. Texts from [Athena] helped too, notably the fact that it’s OK to feel the things I was feeling (dread, anxiety, fear, annoyance…oh, the drreeeaaddd). And I finally got the courage to take a deep breath and walk in with my head held high and my rolling ice chest bumping along!

First came the blood draw, which was better than usual. Contrary to popular belief, the blood draw is not accessed through the chemo chest port, it has to come from my arm and phlebotomists always have trouble with my veins. This time, literally everything about the draw was easy, from the sweet nurse and her bedside manner to the actual draw. We chatted and before I knew it, she’d gotten four vials out of me without me hardly even noticing!

Next, I met with the Nurse Practitioner on my case. Each infusion visit I switch from the Oncologist to the NP, so this time I saw the NP. I have to be honest and say I didn’t feel the warm fuzzies from her when [Athena] and I took her “chemo class”. This was before the actual chemo started - every new patient has to go through a chemo class to teach them the process and what to expect. At this meeting, all I kept hearing were warnings and the bad side effects I’d be feeling and what to do and not do. It was so overwhelming and scary to me. I could feel my heart sinking with every instruction. I also asked her about the icing protocol and she was like NO NO NO.

But yesterday I felt something different. I felt that she was listening to me this time. And I could tell that she listened very carefully and closely. And I felt heard. I told her about the icing and that I’d done it the previous infusion to great success, and she was absolutely fine with it (she may have talked with the Oncologist). I told her about the nausea I was experiencing and she told me about several options we can try moving forward and prescribed me some meds to “test” during this infusion to see how it goes. I told her about the constipation and she offered some tweaks that I’ve already tried to some success. She told me that my red blood cells have actually come back UP a little (woo hoo!), and I got some great positive vibes from her. I know it’s only the third infusion, but with every little step yesterday, I felt better and better.

Then infusion time. I was assigned a “station” and got the seat by the window again. Yay! I was assigned another different nurse, so I had to tell him about the icing protocol and he was really good with me and gave me the 15-minute warning (supposed to start icing 15 mins before the oxaliplatin) and was meticulous with my infusions.

During my 4 hours of infusions, I saw one of my sweet angels yesterday, Sam. He’s on chemo for the rest of his life and he’s doing fine and he’s chipper and upbeat and I love talking with him. He makes me laugh with his feistiness. He wasn’t sitting by me though, so he came over with his IV pole and we had a nice little talk (which was good that it was a short talk because I wanted to try to watch a movie this time so I’m glad he wasn’t right next to me). It’s just so good to have people who are also patients in my life. Sam is a special soul. An angel.

There was also a dude who came and sat beside me, and I couldn’t figure this guy out. He was dressed in full motorcycle biker regalia, overweight and as he turned around to sit down, I could see his whole ass crack! He was sort of shaky and looked super, super stoned. Before they infused him, several nurses and even the pharmacist came out to talk with him. I was trying not to pay attention to what they were saying, but I think in the end, they only gave him fluids to rehydrate him. He looked rough. I felt bad for him, but I don’t know what he was going through. We did not say a word to each other.

Like I’ve said previously, I want something funny to watch during infusion, so yesterday I chose Superbad, and I’d forgotten how utterly RAUNCH that movie is, and it was perfect. So many teenage dick jokes - I was trying so hard not to laugh out loud (and yes, earbuds)!

Also watching Will & Grace from the beginning (thank you, [Tigressa]) and that’s good stuff too!

But I never get to watch too much because I’m always having to get up and change out of my ice gear to go to the bathroom (so much fluid pumping through) and then change back into new ice gear - it’s not like I can just sit there and chill (pun intended) and go to sleep or anything. Always so much going on during infusion. Still, I think I’m getting into a groove, and that’s a good thing.

After infusion was over (about 6 hours total at infusion center), I had to pick up Rx for this new drug and then I went to a new ramen restaurant and ordered some ramen, dumplings and a little salad - for some reason I was craving noodles and they just hit the spot!

Then I laid down in my bed to just relax a bit, and I found myself waking up just in time to go pick up Martini at daycare. Wow! I slept hard!

Went to get the dog and take her on her walk, called my parents and texted a few friends and made some comments on social and by that time it was time for my nighttime regimen of face washing and cream applying and brushing of the teeth and taking of the drugs and goodnight prayers and bedtime.

I woke this morning quite groggy and sluggish which was due to the new nausea drug, but no nausea, so I’d call that a win! And when I looked at my Fitbit at the sleep score, I’d earned a 90, which is Excellent! I know that sleep was drug-induced, but I’ll take it!

And now, I sit at my desk at the office feeling right as rain! Foxy is in her little crossbody bag, looking all cute and shit, and I feel just fine right now! I’m going to relish in this feeling. Today and lunchtime, the company is bringing in a food truck, so I’m looking forward to that - had two constructive meetings already this morning and wow. What a difference actually getting that infusion done and over with makes! Tomorrow I will go back to the infusion center to have Foxy detached and I will be FREE AGAIN!

Thank goodness for positive vibes (from all of you near and far) and just feeling generally great.

As a friend put it, I’m halfway to halfway in this chemo journey.

Thank you for all of your badass comments!
Love you to pieces,
GS