The Worse Perfect Life in Brand New Me

I love him so much. It’s all great when we can laugh and joke and just have conversation and be silly or serious. I’m very attracted to his looks. The sex gets better.

For a while I haven’t really been able to feel happy or just “okay”.
Financially we are just barely making it. We just got food stamps, and some gig (different ones) that we can get some cash at the end of the day. I might work at this one place but it will be irritating walking to and from there every day but it’s money. But I am expecting to be getting disability so that I don’t have to keep quitting jobs after getting back into some messed up mental state and can’t be around people and function well to handle life. I am at that point right now.

Something bad is always happening. I decided to live with him and things just went downhill so damn fast and he hasn’t helped me (us) at all.

Today though he started the dishwashing thing. I have enough money right now for the room next week but we gotta see how well this goes after today and through out the week. I dont know how soon he will be giving his money up for whatever before he even gets in but its best for him to just give up the money for us to live here first and continue to do what he does to get his fixes without money.

This is a horrible way of life but I need to keep myself going and keep doing well enough to get to where I can be comfortable again and have my own way and can finally stop getting screwed over. I want to be with him but there are just limits to being with him. Its more than being in a emotionally damaging relationship.

He is so contradicting.
It’s so sad.

I just gotta just stay back and try to be okay.
Take care of myself.

We all know what will happen.
As for when, we don’t know.
It hurts.

Last updated April 16, 2021