Letters To You. Number 1 in Firestone

I am going to start writing to you the things I wish I could say to you, but can’t because I am too hurt with you.

First off, last night did NOT need to continue on to today.
I’ve realized a certain pattern that is starting to make me a little nervous about being with you. The pattern is, you will show me things and I have an open mindset about trying new things out (even though I may not be used to it.) You’ll voice to me what is upsetting you. You’ll trust me more.
But for the most part, I ask you to try new things and you’re hesitant about it. It’s like you second guess my opinions because since you’re not used to it, it’s not something you would be open to. Plus when I tell you things that are upsetting me, or becoming a fear of mine, it turns into an argument. Like.. why??
I don’t know why I have to feel worried now because now I don’t trust that you’re going to be patient with me.
I know that every time something like this happens, I tell you that I really need patience, kindness and reassurance.
It’s something that even YOU know as to how to help me feel better.
RACE.
Reassurance, Apology, Compromise and Embrace..
You know this. I know you do.
You know how to make me feel better, and you don’t.
Why..
Thinking about it, I’ve gone through this before and I vowed to myself to never have to deal with this again.
Not to deal with someone who is going to treat me like I am not worthy of fixing things with.
Don’t get me wrong, I understand that this is new to you, but it’s literally not the end of the world. However, it feels like I am being pushed away. And I DON’T deserve this.
I have worked way too hard to train my head, mind and thoughts to be stronger, to let someone make me start thinking that I AM THE ONE who is in the wrong. Because I am not.
It takes TWO to argue, so I will take my responsibility there, but the problem is that I am feeling sad and you don’t know how to comfort me.
And THAT is not my fault.