Quitting? Oh, it was the best choice of the year. Even if I haven’t done everything I wanted to, just being able to relax for a few months without worry has been excellent. Lots of time with my love, been building up some old habits again but not beating myself up for not doing more.
I still feel it, tugging me down. Self loathing at the forefront, along with an ideation that I cannot shake or that will not shake me. As the months go by it lessens a bit, but the trajectory has never lasted.
Ah, well. There’s no point in focusing on it perhaps. Staring on in quiet desperation is the English way, after all.
Trying to balance healthy goals woth unhealthy thoughts. Tempering the rage, the focus, the deprecation.
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