There are SO many resources for cancer. Like, so many things that my head is spinning. I just got off the phone a little while ago with a nurse patient advocate (I think that’s what she called herself?) from the hospital where I had my surgery and she was super kind and knowledgeable and wants to email me about a million resources that I can use while I’m going through treatment.
I know I’m a little bit in denial and that’s what keeps me from curling up into a little ball and melting to the ground in a puddle, but FUCK. It’s all soooooo much. What the hell? How will I navigate this?
I do like that there’s a tool that I might be able to use to help the friends who want to help me. Like, there’s a scheduling thing that I can put in requests if people want to bring food or help with a ride or whatever, and I have SO many people asking how they can help and right now I just don’t even know what to tell them. Whatever this tool is might help because I can set it up for the future and schedule things like food or supplies that I might want right after chemo. Things like that.
But I don’t even KNOW how this is going to go, you know?
How do people even do this? I mean, I know…you just DO IT. But wow.
Did I tell you that I talked to SexyPants? I needed to tell him the string-in-the-butt story because he has a string-in-the-dick story (from a kidney stone surgery) that’s kind of weirdly similar and I needed some levity and he is the only person who would understand.
I’d forgotten that his dad died from colon cancer so when I started telling the story I just kind of matter-of-fact blurted out that little fact and he got super, super emotional and…yeah.
I’m glad I’m at work this week - even though there’s stupid shit still happening, I can’t imagine what I’d be like if I were just sitting at home waiting to start chemo. I need this. Plus, some girls at the office want me to go to an outdoor patio little happy hour and I haven’t done a happy hour in ten thousand years, so…I’m going to do it. And I’m going to like it!
I’m grateful for today and for pushy co-workers who want to get me out before the shit hits. Which is funny because, didn’t I just have surgery?? Wasn’t that shit too? I swear, it seems like sooooooo long ago.
Okay, time to begin closing up shop and clearing my mind of worry…
Love,
GS
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