I'm so angry. I bury it all the time, but I have so much resentment towards Ian. I just want to hit something. I want to hurt something. When I had a facial the other day, the esti said that the breakouts on my cheeks were probably due to stress.
I need more coping strategies. My thumbs aren't looking very good. Sex would help. Kenny came over for my birthday and fucked me several times. I made my fish dinner, and my cake. Kenny was very sweet. He brought me glass dildo vibrator as a present.
It was really sweet of him. But... let me show you a picture of this thing: http://www.glassfantasy.com/images/pd292000.jpg
It's beautiful, for sure. But, look at those ridges. Those ridged, glass ridges. I have a glass dildo, and it's very graduated, very gradual. Those bumps are abrupt. Ordinarily, they wouldn't be a problem, except Kenny was pummeling me so hard with it. It felt really good, and my pain receptors must have shut off. I was moaning and shaking, and all of a sudden Kenny stopped, and I looked up wondering why. The dildo was covered in blood. The ridges and the aggressive pumping did it.
I wiped off the dildo, and went to the bathroom. I was still bleeding. I kept bleeding. I didn't know what to do, and was starting to worry about it. I took a shower, and thankfully when I came out I'd stopped bleeding.
Kenny and I fucked when he first came over, then dinner, then Farscape, then dessert, then sex, then sleep, then sex, then amazing breakfast. I made flank steak, red, orange, and yellow bell peppers fajita style, and eggs with fresh chives. Then we went to the hot tub, and back home and had sex again. Then he had to go, even though he didn't want to. He had to go grocery shopping and cook for his lunch tomorrow, and then teach dance class.
He's really hot. I love it that he teaches. He's very, very giving. He kept playing with my clit long after he meant to go, saying, "I could just do this all day."
He's still losing weight, and I'm proud of him. He's working really hard. I like it that I started connecting with him before he started getting healthy. I feel like he'll be able to trust me even as he gets thinner. He's a beautiful person, I'm but I am glad he's improving his health. It'll be better for his knees, his heart, all of that.
I told him how when I was at the grocery store, I told the butcher, "My boyfriend went paleo." Kenny really liked that, and told me that he referred to me as his girlfriend to a coworker. Then we agreed that we could start using that term about each other. What a nice talk to have.
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