Mass in the Ass in These Foolish Things

I’m sorry I haven’t been noting. I’m on here more than I have been in a while, but I’m struggling with noting on your entries and sometimes even answering your notes here. It’s not for lack of trying and it’s not for lack of reading - I just think that my energy is all traveling inward to get ahold of this fucking “thing”. I’d like to name it something other than the “c” word.

Let me think on that for a bit.

Ha. I just laughed to myself. I’ve already got the aneurysm in my head named “Lumpy”, so that’s out. This new development is really a mass of grossness, and it’s all up in my colon, kind of like hidden up there inside me. And honestly, the whole idea is to get this thing out and be done with it, so maybe it’s simply the Mass in the Ass and we’ll leave it at that, shall we?

There. Done.

Today was interesting because I had to go to the hospital to get a covid test. I don’t know why I didn’t think about it, but they also did my pre-op at the time. That means that they did a BUNCH of bloodwork and asked me a bajillion questions and did an EKG and checked all the vitals and I talked with several hospitalists and my head was spinning.

We are expecting a once-in-a-lifetime blizzard here on Sunday into Monday (the morning of my surgery to take out the Mass in my Ass). Figues. It also kinda gives away my location, but what the hell, most of you who read already know me in real life.

Regardless, the fucking Blizzard of 2021 is causing so much angst about logistics and the fact that my dad wants to be here so desperately. And I want him here, too. I just don’t want my parents to die in a 100-car pile up like what happened nearby yesterday. It’s true. Six people died in a horrible icy tangle yesterday…all of those folks likely trying to get to work at their essential businesses, you know?

My parents got a hotel room close to the hospital so it would be easy to come in and out while I’m there. The only problem is, they booked it starting on Sunday which is when the blizzard will be at its height.

So I spent tonight booking myself a room in the same hotel where my parents are staying, starting tomorrow night. I got a suite so that they can stay with me tomorrow night and then I can have the suite to myself on Sunday when I’m surgery-prepping and pooping my brains out.

What all this ultimately means is that I need to be all packed and ready to go by noon-ish tomorrow. I will bring along my surgery prep stuff and get myself ready at the hotel. I suppose it’s actually better that way as I’ll have nice hotel sheets and I can destroy someone else’s bathroom. Hahah.

Last thing to discuss is that I never did talk to the surgeon! So I called his office again and asked about it. The whole office was buzzing because they are actually canceling most appointments on Monday. Yes, this blizzard is wreaking havoc on literally everything in town - except for cancer surgeries. Those still go on. Those are emergencies.

Anyway, someone came on the phone kind of frantically and said YES, the surgery is still on for Monday and that the surgeon would likely speak to me right before going in.

Okay.

So then I sent a text to Jeff, my primary care physician to see if maybe he’d talked with the surgeon and he called me later while he was driving to his new house with his partner, Gregory (we’re all friends). He mentioned that Gregory was in the car next to him and wanted me to know that he could hear us (he’d asked previously if this was OK and I told him of course - when it comes to our friendship, I’m an open book and I don’t mind AT ALL to discuss my personal medical issues with the both of them. In fact, I love having Gregory as part of our conversations because he adds so much light and humor).

Bottom line is (haha) that Jeff had talked with the surgeon and they discussed everything we’d discussed before and that really, we don’t even know what stage this Mass in the Ass is right now and won’t know until after surgery. Jeff said that they discussed my carotid artery issue and the aneurysm and all of that other stuff too. They did also discuss the fact that my CT scan shows no spreading of cancer (FINGERS CROSSED BIG TIME) and that the laparoscopic surgery should be very straightforward.

Now. It’s already past my bedtime. So. What have we accomplished today?

• Pre-op is already done and I even have my little hospital wristband on
• My sales meeting presentation is complete and added to the EVP’s folder (this is the main thing I wanted to accomplish before surgery)
• Martini will be staying at her boyfriend’s place while I’m in surgery (my friend at work and her husband LOVE my dog and they have a dog of their own who LOVES Martini, so I’m happy she can stay with them)
• Grocery shopping done
• Laundry halfway done
• Hotel room booked for the next couple of nights
• Surgery will go off as planned

What do I have yet to do?

• Pack
• Prep
• Sleep
• Get this fucking Mass out of my Ass!!!

With all the love,
GS