Well, look. I’ve been very, very, very careful and haven’t gotten the virus yet, so I think I’m going to keep doing what I’ve been doing and stop freaking out about what others are doing. Have I said this before? I can only take care of myself and keep my own distance and sanitize my own space and wear my own mask(s) correctly. Everyone else can figure it out for themselves.
Going forward, it’s all going to be about calculated risks. And by that I mean, not taking very many, but when I do I will do so strategically. Honestly, I’ve really been doing that, but I know that many, many, MANY people don’t - nor do they care about others.
I started following IG accounts that were shaming people for going to parties maskless and such, calling them out and trying to make them feel some kind of way. But again, what good does that do for me or really anyone? I decided to unfollow and just not look at that stuff anymore.
If you are one of those people who don’t give a flip about others and are traveling to Mexico and the Caribbean,flaunting your carefree ways (yes, my BFF did just this), then I will let some other source of judgement have a heyday with you on their own time and with their own energy. This is all too much to carry anymore. I’m done.
Here’s an example of my calculated risk for this weekend: I think I’m going to keep my hair appointment on Saturday morning. I’ve canceled the last three appointments that I made, thinking that things would be better. Alas, my hair can’t take it any longer. It’s looking very scraggly. The last appointment I canceled was on January 2nd because I figured my stylist would be out partying in a crowd of some sort on New Year’s Eve. I’m glad I canceled then, but I’ve been watching her IG and there’s not much going on with her social life right now, heh. So I think I’m safer than I would have been then.
And I’m going to look at an apartment building. I’ve been able to do this a bit since the summer, but I need to start hitting the viewings pretty hard since I have to give notice soon. I’m a little bit stuck on this one because my criteria keeps changing, but I clearly need to get a move on.
And I just talked with someone at work who has a second date with a new guy and she’s quite excited about it and I’m thrilled for her, but a little jealous I guess. And yet, I can’t be because I haven’t even been OUT there in months now (or at least many weeks). I haven’t even tried! So I may do like another PBer is doing and check out match.com to maybe start making plans for after the vaccine. Why not? And if someone wants to hang out and go for a dog walk with me or sit outside on a patio and chat, then let’s do it!
Regardless, I need some new things to do. I have been going home after work lately, making dinner, pouring a glass of wine and either clicking around social media or watching awful reality TV until it’s time to go to sleep. Then I get up in the morning, get to work, put out stupid fires and do it all over again. This is not living, people!
Although my CTA scan results show that I’m truly still living, so my head is in the right place but my butt is giving me real reason to question things. I can’t wait until the colonoscopy is over and the surgeon tells me that it was a simple issue and he took care of it while he was in there. Is it weird that I’m kind of looking forward to the prep because I’m sooooo curious as to what that’s like and I wonder if I’ll feel clean as a whistle when it’s all over? Yeah, that’s probably weird. But the worry that I’ve been experiencing has to be a thousand times worse.
I need this to be over with.
Tonight I need to do something productive. I’m going to go get the dog at daycare and take her on her walk, come home and eat a gigantic salad and then work on crafting a decent match.com profile to see what comes out of that.
How about that? Livin’? I’d say today is definitely better than yesterday. I feel lighter just by throwing away the fucks I’d been giving regarding people and their awful Covid hygiene.
Until next time,
GS
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