I feel... in General musings

Stupid...I feel old and ugly and unlovable... How could I not see the signs? But I guess I did...I never felt this time like it was "right"...all I felt was he was trying to force it, "I want it to be you." Not exactly a passionate declaration. And sex..we were always insatiable with each other, and yes..I know..6 years older and now in our 50's...makes a difference, but it felt more like something he knew he had to do than something he wanted to do...and I had enough of that in my marriage - although I barely remember sex with hub. So I'm pretty disgusted with myself...and with F to a good extent....he said he wanted to tell me before it "psychologically damaged" me - I told him 'too late - 30 years too late.'