~ The Drive ~
As I sit in the drivers seat, I look at myself in the mirror and think, “am I really going to do this?” Then I look at the seat beside me and I know that I am going to go through with this. I see the yellow envelope laying in my seat addressed to you. I start my car, pull out of the parking lot and drive. I am driving to you, my love. To give you this envelope and to see you.
As I turn on to the street, the music starts to play. I hear Gary Allan singing about whiskey and memories. That song is so true to me, because it isn’t the drink that keeps me down. It is the memories that I can’t forget, the feelings and the emotions that won’t leave.
As the song comes to an end, I am staring at the on-ramp to the freeway. There is still time to turn back, time to change my mind. Then another song in the background catches my attention. Lady Antebellum is digging into my soul stating that I need you right now. As I sit listening to the lyrics, the light turns green and off I go towards you. The song wonders if you think of me, because for me, you are always on my mind.
As the song finishes it’s last chorus, I am on the off ramp to the last interstate between you and me. Toby comes on singing about the moon. He is wondering, as am I, if that moon shines down on you. And when you look at it, do you wonder if I look at it as well. I often wonder when I see it, are you looking at it too. Do you see the same stars I do??
As I cross the river, I can feel my heart racing at the thought of actually seeing you. I can feel my foot pressing down on the gas of my car to make it go faster. I have to force myself to slow down so I do not get pulled over and miss my opportunity. Damn Yankees is wondering if you can take me high enough away. Can you make me forget all the pain?? I know the answer, because you are the one. The one I can’t do without. The one I want to be with for the rest of my life.
As the song ends, I almost miss the exit. As I pull onto the off ramp, I start wondering if I have missed you. If you aren’t working this evening. My mind, like always, goes to the negative thoughts. But while it does, I look next to me and see the envelope and I know that I am seeing this through no matter what.
I pull into the parking lot with a sense of elation and dread. As I drive slowly around the parking lot, I am looking for your car. And with every car that isn’t yours, the dread goes away, and the elation sets in. As I park to wait, Sixx A.M. starts singing about not being able to live without someone. It is a feeling I know all too well. Because you are the person that I can not be without.
As the clock keeps ticking away, the dread starts returning. My brain goes to the negative again. They didn’t need you, and you got cancelled, or you are off tonight. I sit and watch car after car leave and arrive and none of them are you. As I sit waiting, the radio turns off leaving me alone with my thoughts. And from the back of my mind, I feel the dread train rumbling through at full speed. It is saying that you aren’t coming. My hope of seeing you is not going to come to fruition. As I watch the time flying out the window along with my dreams, there you are. You pull into the parking lot, and are racing to go park. I feel the tsunami of relief flooding my soul with the knowledge that I am going to see you.
I start my car and follow you to your parking spot and I pull in next to you. What happens next is a blur. You wave, I wave, we talk as you rush around getting ready to go in. All the while in my head, I think of how beautiful you are. How head over heels I am in love with you. When you hug me, I lose it. I feel you meld into me as I wrap my arms around you. And even though I know it has to be quick, I savor every second of it. I smell your perfume as I kiss you on the head and I hear the words coming out of my mouth that I long to tell you every day. Then the dread kicks in and I don’t know if you will say it. When you say it, I feel the same elation I do every time I have heard you say it. And number 4 is just as sweet as number 1 was.
Then it is time for you to go, and you turn and walked away. As I watched you walk away, I said a prayer to God that he would keep you safe, and protect you from illness.
As I drove away, I felt the elation, but also the depression. I could still feel you in my arms. I could still smell your perfume on my shirt. I felt the joy of just being able to see you. But at the same time, I felt the depression because I don’t know when I will see you again. The depression from knowing that the feeling of you in my arms will fade. That your scent on my shirt will drift away. That all I will be left with are the memories. And the memories are never as sweet as the real thing. As I turn out of the parking lot, I turn the music back up on my stereo. I hear Sammy Kershaw singing about the love of his life. Of how he would have never thought he would ever find her. I feel the exact same way. I have found the love of my life, and it is a beautiful dream come true. As Richard Marx sings about he will always be her man, I sing it to you. Because “now and forever, I will be your man” my love. I have been yours since we met. I love you. I miss you. And while we can’t be together, you will be constantly on my mind.
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