Downturn in A new era

Worked all day yesterday, and honestly, I was in no mood for it. Physically and emotionally drained, it's been an arduous few weeks.

Popped across to see George, and he looks absolutely shocking. Skinnier than ever, and he's had a reaction to the morphine liquid they've been giving him. I'm slightly concerned he's a bit morphine toxic too, something about the way his eyes are a bit too sparkly.

It's hard to step back and be a friend and visitor. I want to know what's happening. It's hard to trust anyone other than the girls I work with to do a good enough job of looking after him, I know what the girls on my ward are capable of. I know how hard we all work to give our patients exactly what they want and need.

Trusting the care of my dear friend to another ward, is quite terrifying to me to be honest. I don't know if he's been referred to the palliative care team. I'd be more settled if he has, someone would be keeping a close eye on him then.

I know there are plenty of excellent nurses about, I really do. I've also heard a lot of horror stories about other wards and lack of care. It's a worry, trusting the care of a loved one to professionals. I've never really thought about it before. When mum was ill, she was so far away that I didn't get to see first hand how she was looked after, and she was getting better so I guess I just had to have faith that she was in good hands.

It just makes me incredibly sad to see him, how much things have changed, how quickly he's deteriorating.

Xx