It was Easter Weekend, and that meant that I had Good Friday off of work (aaaaahhhh), and it was a lovely, lovely, phenomenally beautiful weekend.
Unfortunately for me, I had the worst two-day hangover from my Wednesday night date (go back two entries to check out Clark). I could barely function on Thursday. Work bit ass because it was so busy that by the time I got home (I actually left early), the only thing I could do was crash and burn with a several hour nap. That made sleep pretty impossible on Thursday night into Friday.
Friday was so-so. I wrote my previous entry on Friday after feeling a lot of grief and the rest of Friday was not really all that much better. I did do a couple of things for myself: shopped for home décor, took myself to lunch on a patio (and actually drank a skinny margarita, even though I told myself not to drink…it was actually a good hair-of-the-dog remedy for the Super Hangover), walked and walked and walked. And walked. This is what is getting me through this heartbreak, you know? I’m literally trying to walk it off. Walked to the frozen yogurt place for dinner and then took the fabulous trolley back home. I was in bed before it even got dark out.
Saturday morning I woke to a text from The Bulldog. He’d written at 10:40 the night before, asking if I was out and about. Ha. I guess I let him think that I was.
We started texting in the morning – and it wasn’t even sexy-text, just light and fun – and by the afternoon, we were talking on the phone! Now, I know that sounds so mundane or whatever, but maybe he’s reading my mind. Maybe he’s reading this here. All I know is, for as slow as it’s going, it felt like next-level stuff, and it was exciting. He was nervous and chatty (I was too) and has the sexiest, funniest voice and phone mannerisms. Our phones kept cutting out because he was driving to his family’s winery in the country, but we made it through a really fun conversation. I’m actually swooning a little as I type this…but I need to be cautious.
Drove out to my parents’ house at the lake on Saturday afternoon and we had a great visit. We talked and walked and had a fun dinner at a local brewery. Walked their part of the lake (again, helping with the heartache – you know, they are grieving my loss as well…they truly loved SP too. I mean, he made so many promises to them as well. I believe he loved my family. He was so wonderful to my parents…except when he deceived their daughter. I digress..). Hung out at the local brewery and ate BBQ, then watched the stunning sunset on the water, home, watched TV, relaxed. You know, the things you do when you’re hanging out with your parents.
Went to their church Easter morning. There was a breakfast and then a long lull after breakfast before the service started. I mean, such a long lull that my dad and I actually left to get some fresh air. We drove around this stunning neighborhood that is being developed. The gate to the community just happened to be open, so we drove right in like we owned the place! Unfortunately, the houses are so secluded by woods/trees, that we couldn’t see anything . Still, it was good to be out of the church. It’s really uncomfortable for me because I feel like the loser daughter who can’t keep a man (two ex-fiancés in the last five years, bless her heart.).
After church, it was another long walk with my dad. I’m telling you, I simply can’t get enough walking! I suppose it’s better than a different kind of go-to like drinking, though that’s not totally ruled out…it’s just that I like walking better than I like drinking right now. He walked with me until he could walk no further. We went to lunch and then I wanted to go home.
I just had the ache to be by myself. I knew that feeling meant sadness on the way and I just didn’t want to be in their presence when it hit. Guys, it truly comes in waves. I am even feeling it here and now as I type this out. I miss his fucking face. That motherfucker.
Got home yesterday and walked again. See? WTF.
Clark called, but I didn’t answer. Why? I was happy to see that he called, but I just wasn’t in the right mental place to talk.
But then, The Bulldog called and I answered practically on the first ring. Again, not sure what is motivating me here, but I was happy to hear from him.
We talked. For hours. Three to be exact. I have a huge crush on him, yet I know pursuing this is playing with fire. He is sexy as hell and funny and smart…but I sense some other things lurking underneath and of course, I’m attracted – severely. I’d like to fuck the guy through the phone.
And then there’s practically perfect Clark. Well, I don’t know that for sure, but it appears he’s playing by the rules and dressing up for the part (literally). I like him, I do, but do I want to rip his fancy clothes off? No.
And then…there’s the fact that I’m not ready for any of this, but I’m so thankful for it, too.
OK. I’m tired and I need to focus. I will get up for some fresh air and continue with the job.
Love,
GS
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