After a long time, I'm back here. in Everyday happenings

Well my last entry has been on July 25, 2020. So half a year later, I am here to again type down my conflicting thoughts and doubted opinions. I have a lot to tell, even though in 2020 nobody sane would have risked being risky, thus less drama; still things have happened at home for most of us. Same goes for me, I shifted to a new house. Yes, a good thing to note. And I went through some weeks where my anxiety was at its peak because I was preparing for my entrance. Ah, yes THE ENTRANCE EXAMINATION.
Honestly, I want to just not think about it anymore because of the intense pressure I feel on my chest whenever I remember it. I put my all( you can say it was my all when you include the anxiety and pressure I was feeling at that time), and really in the end I was just not satisfied with my performance. I am my biggest critic but even my mother and father were of the opinion that I did not studied hard enough. So from that you can assume my examination did not go well. The results are not YET OUT. I am terrified to the bone and really stressed about it. I was so affected by this thing that I cried for the next coming week after giving my entrance. Really, my depression was showing itself, I knew that but this time I had no control over my tears. I am not that much of a crybaby. I usually cry alone and in the dark. However, I was nervous wreck after my examination and literally broke down thrice in one day or more. My tears spilled out of my eyes without warning. And for a long time I remained like that. I am still not over it yet, I mean I still get upset and silent whenever somebody mentions or inquires about my exam, and I know that I shouldn’t let such a thing control so much of me but I can’t help it. You can’t help it. Especially with my anxiety. I got extremely depressed the coming days and really my emotions became a rollercoaster. I hardly talked because that is what do when I get emotionally drained or when I get anxious. The thing is I am aware about all and have been for a long time, nothing new here. But as I said that I cry alone, I don’t let my family see me like that, I try they do not see me like that but there are some times like the one I mentioned above when I can’t stop myself in front of them. Usually that happens when it all gets overburdening and overwhelming, but on easy days it kind of becomes okay after a breakdown or two; but this entrance made me overwhelmed and drained emotionally for more than 2 whole weeks.
Well I ‘ll write the of updates later on.