The survey SAID... in Juggling with Hedgehogs

I have SO much catching up to do, but frankly at the moment I’m just not in the mood for it, most of it will just sound like one long angry rant-fest, and I’m trying to stay chilled and so on, and slide gently into the Christmas break without feeling the urge to murder every living thing around me. So in lieu of a proper entry, here is a daft survey. Feel free to skip this entry and go and read someone more interesting.

Are you a cat person or a dog person?
Very much a dog person, and equally much not a cat person. I don’t hate cats. Not hate, exactly. I find them to be the most beautiful creatures to watch, photograph, video, watch videos of, stroke, from time to time. Cats like ME, which I find annoying. They jump all over me and rub themselves on me and let me stroke them and nose bop me and so on. It’s the cats’ way of telling me they know I’m not that keen and they don’t actually give a fucking fig for my feelings, they will do what the hell they like. I have many perfectly good reasons for not liking cats, so if you’re a cat lover, I would strongly suggest you go away now, because we will most probably end up not being friends any more, and that would be sad. Cats have a propensity for killing small wildlife. They don’t have to do this, they get fed by the people they choose to live with, but they do it anyway because cats are natural hunters. They are decimating the bird life and other small mammals are also their victims and it pisses me off. They defecate all over my garden, and that pisses me off. If I let my dog into my neighbours’ garden to leave his shit everywhere, I’m sure they would complain loud and long about it, and insist I come and clean up after him, but if it’s a cat? It’s somehow supposed to be accepted because that’s what cats do. Well they can fuck off. A local cat got into our house in February. It wasn’t invited in, my son left the door open, and in it came. We didn’t know the cat was here, and at night, the doors and windows were closed, as is normal. But the cat couldn’t get out, we didn’t know the cat was in the house anyway, so what did the cat do? It peed and SHAT in the middle of my son’s bed. It could have done that literally anywhere else, but it chose to do it where he sleeps. See? Cats. Gits. People think cats love them. They do not. Cats stick around whoever feeds them and keeps them warm. They have zero loyalty and rest assured if you died, they’d eat you if there was no other source of food. I guess a dog would too, but I think a dog wouldn’t be too happy about it.

How many pets do you have? What are their names?

We have one little adorable dog, called Milo. I couldn’t be bothered to post a pic. That requires a trip to Imgur and I’m in a bad mood today. Sorry.

What pets, if any, did you have growing up?

No pets growing up, unless you count budgies. My dad wouldn’t have dogs or cats, he thought they were all disgusting and filthy. So my mum had the occasional budgie and that was it. They were all called either Joey or Peter.

What’s your favorite holiday? Why?

Somewhere hot, with a swimming pool and decent restaurants. That’s it really. My favourite holidays used to be in Turkey, because we would go on boat trips during the day for very little money, and have a fantastic time swimming in the sea.

Which season do you like the best? Why?

It used to be autumn, but not I’m a summer girl. I hate being cold, I hate being wet, I just love the sunshine and the heat.

What’s the last TV show you binge watched? What’s next on your list?

The best ever? Probably Game of Thrones. Some recent ones I’ve really enjoyed are The Queen’s Gambit and The Crown. Currently watching Atypical, which my daughter put me onto, and I highly recommend that. But for crime, my favourite has always been The Shield.

Do you subscribe to any YouTube channels? If so, which ones?

I subscribe to a very eclectic mix of YouTube channels, all associated with various hobbies like photography and sausage making. I’m sure that would be a boring list.

What song do you always sing along to when it comes on?

What’s Up. Four Non Blondes. It’s my karaoke song.

What are some of your hobbies?

I play the piano (not as well as I used to), I skip (as in jumping rope), I’m currently learning to crochet, I used to knit extremely well, but haven’t done that for years. Due to watching the Queen’s Gambit, I’ve recently taken up chess, and I’m trying to get better at that. And my absolute passion, when I can find the time, is photography. I’m half-way decent at that when I’m in the right mood.

Did you take up any new hobbies during the quarantine? If so, what?

Nothing new, I just played the piano a lot more.

Do you play video games? If so, what are some of your favorites?

I don’t. My husband loves them and he plays them late at night when he can’t sleep. I just find them a complete waste of time.

Do you have any favorite stand-up comedians?

Several. I highly recommend, if you haven’t heard of him, looking up Daniel Sloss. He does a routine called Jigsaw, which I wouldn’t recommend if your relationship is in any way dodgy. I’m serious. But if you’re in a good relationship, you can laugh along and consider yourself lucky. He really cuts through the crap. He also does a routine called Dark, which is about the death of his sister. Yes, he actually makes it funny - and that’s quite a skill let me tell you. I also really enjoy Ed Byrne.

What’s the most important thing in your life at the moment?

Oh god, that’s a bloody difficult question. Thing, or person? If it’s thing, then it’s probably got to be the piano. If it’s person/living thing, then it’s my husband and my dog and my children - obviously. But thing? Swimming pool/piano/phone…god I don’‘t know!

What’s your favorite thing to do on a rainy day?

I bloody hate rain. Stay in, read, watch TV, cook big filling stews.

What’s the best memory you have before age 16?

Hmmm…playing football with the neighbours next door. I played in goal and I was brilliant.

What’s the best memory you have in your 20s?

I should be saying something like giving birth to my son and my daughter, but giving birth was definitely not the best memory in either case. Getting married should be one, shouldn’t it? But the actual wedding was stressful and not really all that happy. Honeymoon, I don’t really remember. My 20s were not great, if I’m honest.

What was your usual morning routine before the pandemic? Has that changed?

I’m not good at routines. It usually involved getting up and taking the dog for a quick walk so he could have a wee and a poo, then a quick shower, kettle on, coffees made and starting work at 9 (we work at home). Morning routines these days involve trying to stay in bed for as long as possible. I used to get up at 5.30, I’m still clawing back those YEARS of time that I lost.

Who was the first person you fell in love with? Do you still talk to that person?

Properly in love? He was called Mick Turley and I was 17 and he was a little bit younger, and it was a short-lived thing, but we kept bumping into each other years later and getting back together again for a quick fling. He was the ‘the one that got away’ and no, I don’t speak to him now, I have no idea where he is. He’s probably fat and bald and toothless by now.

Who was the last person that made you smile and what did they do?

My daughter. She thanked me for clawing her down from the ceiling on Saturday night when she had a situation at work that made her cry. She called her mum, her mum soothed her, and everything worked out fine.

What books, if any, have you read this year?

Oh crikey, tons of books. Tons. I’ve read all of Game of Thrones again. I’m currently re-reading The Blade Itself by Joe Abercrombie. I’ve read a bunch of biographies, and a shit ton of non-fiction books, some about photography, some about racism, some about how to make sausages. I mean…life is busy…I read about the stuff I’m doing. I’m terrible at keeping track on Goodreads though, so Goodreads thinks I’ve only read 7 books this year. Add about 30 or 40 on to that, and you’d be close.

What are some things you want to do before the year ends?

I want to see my daughter and grandson, but that’s not happening before the end of this year.

What do you hope is invented within your lifetime?

Teleporter.

Would you prefer flying cars or jetpacks?

Flying cars, probably. Jetpacks, although fun, would be rather more dangerous I suspect.