Nothing Special in 2014

Hey, this looks a little different. Interesting. It makes sense, as it's been a while since I've written. It's been over a month. Falling into old habits, I am. I prefer to write on my days off, though sometimes I'm pretty busy. For a while I was doing well at going to bed by 10 or 11, and I also prefer to write at night. That's fallen by the wayside, at least for now. I'll take it easy for a little while. I have split days off next week since I'm heading up to Portland for a concert that Saturday. Last Saturday I went there to see Mindless Self Indulgence. Actually, after next weekend, I'll have been there and back 5 times in 2 months, which is quite a bit. Varying reasons too. It's a four and a half to five hour drive one way. Two times ago I picked up a friend from the airport at 10PM and wasn't able to go to bed until 330. I was sick for almost a week after that, as I was exhausted and dehydrated on the drive back but had to keep going. So that wasn't good.

Mentally there's work to be done too. I've been pretty negative lately. I feel most of my gripes are legitimate, but it seems speaking my mind isn't always the best idea. Certainly not the context in which I've been doing it. I was reprimanded at work for it, and I feel I was misunderstood, yet when I had the chance to defend myself while talking to the center manager, I couldn't really say anything. I was certainly unprepared, as it was right when I got there that day. Also, I am terrible at confrontation. Not mentally, but physically. My eyes always start watering. They do it sometimes even when I'm talking to someone and it isn't unpleasant. Seems to be more with people I don't know well, but it's still hilariously inconvenient. I will deal with a terrible schedule and not being able to get days off even though others in my department have no problem getting days off. Nothing will change, so I'll shut my mouth and do my job until I find something better. I've been trying, but have had no luck applying at the hospitals in the area.

I've also had some bad blood with a good friend. I feel he's changed for the worst in the past couple months. Mostly since he started dating his current girlfriend, but also he seemed to be somewhat disrespectful to me a little before that. We also had an issue around the end of last year that never got resolved. That is my beef with him, and I can only assume he heard it secondhand from someone that I lamented to and that is why he was upset with me. An otherwise innocuous post in the Facebook group that deals with Magic and all the other stuff in our group of friends turned into a pretty dumb argument. He started it by calling me out publicly on some things, and I indulged him. I was kind of curious what would happen, and he blew up pretty easily. I didn't feel bad standing my ground, and while it wasn't really good that it all happened publicly so to speak, I got things off of my chest and made legitimate criticisms that I had held for a while. I'm not one of those people that say things and regret them later. I think about everything before I say it. Maybe a little too much. I was perhaps somewhat indulging the "darker" side of myself, but I put it away quickly enough. There is certainly a manipulative misfit hiding somewhere in me, but it's not the time or place for that. Anyway, things never were resolved. He invited me over yesterday, which I presumed was to talk, but instead it was a hangout with other people to play Super Smash Bros. Ha. I'll allow it all to be swept under the rug.

Things have resumed with my ghost hunting group, the Ghostpunchers. Our first hunt was pretty unsuccessful, but anything is better than nothing. We'll see who returns from last year. Hopefully a few people, I'd like to get some equipment but that's only going to happen if the cost can be divided between several people.

Oh yeah, I had a birthday, on the 15th of last month. I actually was able to get the day off, even though despite it being approved I still had to switch shifts since I wasn't given it off on the schedule. It was a day of shenanigans and playing Magic, which is what I had in mind. Each year is still painful in that I'm not where I imagined I would be, but they are easier to swallow than they used to be thanks to a better mindset. As I was telling someone the other day, I try to think of my failures as pieces of a large puzzle. They don't make sense or seem helpful individually, but they are all connected in a way, and eventually will reveal some sort of much-needed wisdom.