that anxiety thing in A new start

  • Nov. 11, 2020, 1:04 a.m.
  • |
  • Public

We all have anxiety of some sort. Even if it is very minimal. Most the time mine is good.

Last week it hit hard. It hit in a bad way. I just wanted to run away and hide. I sit there going through all the music to find a song and never found the fitting song. The next day I was better. That election was a doosy. Certain songs can bring on that feeling but I know it wasn’t my music choice. It was the bs. I mean it’s not over yet but eventually it will be.

Oh it doesn’t help that I checked in on a friend. He is in prison. Set to be released in January. I want to see him. I miss him but also he is the one who my husband has the most issues with. Shortly after we got married we were having a hard time. Like he never gave me any attention, wait he still doesn’t, and I was needing it. The friend was willing to give me that attention. We never did anything physical. I guess I flirted which I know is a bad thing but whatever. He would have done it had I let him but no. I would still like to see him but have no way of telling him so.

Honestly I don’t think I was made to be monogomous. I tell my husband all the time if he wants to screw someone else just tell me first. It’s not cheating if I know. He wont.

After much searching I finally got my hamster the other day. It happened to be the same day my cat was put down. They are both about the same color. My hamster is a female though so she doesn’t get the name my cat had. I mean she could but no. My cat was 13 years old. He has had a lot of upper respiratory issues his whole life. A few years ago we think he had a stroke and never fully recovered. He took a turn for the worse and came to live with me. I don’t know what happened to him but he got a sore on his neck. He quickly lost a lot of fur around the site of the sore. I tried to keep it clean and it started weeping. Never bleeding. He started smelling, a sweet type smell. Never a rotting flesh smell but the wound grew. It was an open wound on his neck. He was barely eating. I called it. I said the time has come. I thought he may have been in pain as he kind of silently cried when he was touched. He was my oldest child. I should be getting him back, along with a pawprint, within the next week or two. Anyway back to the hamster. She has discovered her wheel and is running in it. I can hear it. My poor kids get to be a whole lot closer to it.

Everything is good right now. Just a little tired. Maybe it’s time for bath and bed.

This entry only accepts private comments.

No comments.

You must be logged in to comment. Please sign in or join Prosebox to leave a comment.