Can't Sleep Again in General Nonsense

  • April 13, 2014, 9:39 p.m.
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  • Public

It's the usual Sunday night. I have every reason to collapse into bed and drift off into a peaceful nights sleep but as usual for every Sunday... I just can't sleep. I think I just have too much on my mind. We went to mil today... it was an absolutely beautiful day out today. We went for a walk on the track across the street from her. Fresh air, exercise, happy kids, relaxation... . I couldn't have asked for anything more. Perhaps it's because I drank too much iced tea while I was there, Idk. But when I got home I was hoping to hear from Lou. Instead I went online and found yet another friend request on FB from someone I don't know. Actually, I have my suspicions. There is some very creepy guy on there who kept sending me friend requests but I kept turning them down. He kept sending anyways. Finally I asked him who he was and he basically told me he saw my video. The video he was referring to is the one I made with my psychotic bastard asshole x boyfriend. Finally after that, I just blocked him from my page. Since I did that, he keeps creating these fake profiles on there and sending me friend requests. They are getting more and more frequent now and he is finally catching onto the reason I know they are fake. Then I happened to watch something on tv where a young girl was sexually abused/raped as a child and the fucker recorded the whole thing and downloaded multiple videos of her. Ten years later, her videos were still being downloaded on a daily basis. She was severely messed up in the head as a result of all the years of abuse she suffered. But it started freaking me out that 10 years later, her video's were still being downloaded. That took me straight into the nightmare of the one stupid freaking video I have ever made in my life and here it is 3 years later and it is still haunting me. K, so I'm freaking out about that, Lou finally texts me but we were barely talking... I don't know if it was a networking problem on his end or what was going on but he wasn't overly talkative tonight. At the same time, Joe texted me to tell me that he doesn't think the school system my son is in is any good because basically he was saying that my son is just going to end up being a gangster because he is so poorly behaved. My sweet 6 year old boy... his own freaking son. That whole thing was richer than Donald Trump. My son has serious behavioral issues and I would do anything to get through to him and help him. I am doing everything I can to raise him right. I know he doesn't behave well, we are having major issues with him. But when his own father says stupid shit like that, it just makes me so freaking sad for him. He is such a piece of shit. He is a big part of the reason that my son behaves so poorly. He could go for months at a time without so much as a phone call to see how the kids are doing. Needless to say, my son misses his father deeply. Honestly I just feel like crying for him sometimes.
I just don't even know where to turn tonight. I can't sleep. I'm hoping that putting this out there will help to lighten the burden of all the things that are keeping me up. Also today, my toenail came off. That is just freaking me the fuck out. I don't know why that bothers me so much. Ok, my freak out rant is complete now. Hopefully now I can get some rest. Good Night.

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