Is life worth living anymore? in My struggle with depression, eating disorders, personality weaknesses and bad temper.

Injured knee, episodes of Binge eating, solitude, anger issues, depression…
Strong and terrible urges to stat smoking and drinking again to make the pain milder, because the situation has become unbearable at some point…
I feel like I’m being punished for my ungratefulness in the days before Covid where I was complaining about simple things whose burden and effect is uncomparable to my current situation’s.
I feel like a bird whose wings were cut out.
Nocturnal pain just above the knee, and rumination about bad experiences I had in the past lead me to unwanted binge eating episodes and insomnia.
I decided to go to the doctor but I’m still waiting for my next paycheck to do so. It seems like for ever to wait for it.
The only things that keep my mind busy are my 9 - 5 job and the gym to work on my upper body.
Keeping this stuff inside my mind would literally kill me because I had enough of remaining silent.
To anyone in pain, you are not alone. It’s because of darkness that you cannot see us, us: people like you in misery and despair. Please stay strong! Much love