Blind Date Disaster in New Beginnings

I just got back from an awful blind date. Well, I’m using hyperbole, but I do feel a little bit bamboozled. Permit me to explain.

Last Sunday at church, an acquaintance from my class, Sydney, approached me afterwards exclaiming, “I have a proposition for you!” She prefaced the following with, “you can say ‘no’ if you want to,” then she asked me what I’d say to be set up on a blind date. My immediate response that I wasn’t averse to the idea, so long as there were no expectations. I was kind of shocked at my own response. I would have expected myself to say, “flattered, but I’m just not interested.” I wonder if it came from the fact that Erika got married recently. I think it was recently; I can’t genuinely say. I don’t stalk her social media profile very often, but about a month ago, I was searching for someone else’s name that begins with an “E.” As soon as I put in the first letter, Erika’s name, complete with an updated last name autofilled.

I’m not pining for her. All the reservations I expressed in the entry in which I vented about my ex still stand, but there was something about the finality of it that pricked at me. There was also a pain at the fact that she took his last name. When she and I talked about the possibility of marriage, she expressed a desire to keep her maiden name. As an actress, changing her might impair her career possibilities. I didn’t really care, and I’m not privy to whatever conversation she and Kody had on the subject, but something about her taking his last name made me wince.

That might be why I agreed to the blind date. That night, Sydney sent me Andrea’s phone number, and I surprisingly didn’t try to do immediate reconnaissance. I waited a day. I knew her name and that she lives in Anderson, SC, about an hour-and-a-half drive east of me. I went to Sydney’s Facebook page, queried “Andrea,” and clicked on the first profile I saw from Anderson, SC. Not that I’m a man dime, but I was less than impressed. I was still committed to reaching out to her. After all, I said I would, but I would just do so with intention of ever following up with a second date. I hit the Back button to see if she was the only possibility, and sure enough, there was another Andrea in Anderson, SC. Not that she was jaw-droppingly gorgeous, but she was very pretty, certainly pretty enough to make me feel like a dope were I to turn down a potential date with her. Another tidbit of information Sydney told me was that Andrea was very mobile and adventurous, was one of her coworkers (a nurse), and that she had lived in Alaska until about a year ago. This Andrea’s profile had pictures of her wakeboarding, a photo of an EMS badge, and one of her flying a friggin’ helicopter, possibly in Alaska. At least, it didn’t look like she wasn’t in Alaska. I was definitely going to reach out to her now.

Tuesday, I sent my text: “Hi, Andrea. This is Rob. Sydney gave me your number. I’m not sure how this works, so I figured I send you a text to see if you’d like to talk and possibly make plans to grab dinner one night. You interested?”

No response.

After a day, I reached out to Sydney explaining that I had sent Andrea a text and not received a reply. I explained that I was perfectly fine if Andrea had changed her mind, which I was, but I just wanted to be sure I was texting the right number. My concern was that Sydney had miskeyed a number, Andrea didn’t get my text at all, and Andrea would interpret not getting any text from me as a hurtful reflection upon Sydney. Sydney confirmed that it was the correct number and that she didn’t know why Andrea hadn’t responded. She offered to give Andrea my number, which I approved via text as I was heading to the gym that night.

Andrea almost immediately called me. That was the correct number, so I don’t know why she didn’t initially respond. Her prompt phone call came across as a bit thirsty. I texted with her in between sets of doing my resistance training, and we made plans to talk on the phone Thursday night. We talked for a couple of hours the next night after work, and made plans to have dinner Saturday night. We found a town halfway between our two locations, and picked an appealing restaurant at which to meet.

We met tonight at 6;00 PM at a quaint little Mexican place. She was already there when I walked in the door…and it was the Andrea from the first profile. I masked my disappointment very well. We enjoyed pleasant conversation for a couple of hours before, during, and after our dinner. There were a few awkward pauses, but that was more from it just being a first date than anything else. It wasn’t a total dumpster fire.

It came time to leave, I picked up the check, we walked out the door and bid each other farewell. Here is where I’m concerned that I may have been a little abrupt. We didn’t hug or even shake hands. I expressed that I wasn’t sure how to say goodbye with these new social distancing society. I started to say that we could keep texting, but I didn’t elaborate any further. One of the things I hate about dating is how everyone always says they want to meet again, even if they don’t. I get it. There’s no polite way to say, you seem very nice, but I’m just not interested, so I’m not going to ask you out again. It’s easier and less awkward just to lie.

This is what I hate about blind dates in particular. The facilitator gets nothing but reward while bearing none of the risk. Sydney set us up on a blind date, she gets to feel good about herself for getting her friend a date, but I bear the burden of navigating the awkward goodbye in a way that doesn’t hurt her feelings, but also doesn’t lead her on. I have a new rule, and I hope it becomes a social convention. If person One sets persons Two and Three up on a blind date, and, say, person Three has no interest in seeing person Two again, person One is responsible for explaining to person Two that person Three is going pass. This way, meddlesome people who want to play match maker have some skin in the game and won’t be so reckless in conniving others into dates with their ugly friends. I’m starting to get salty, so I’ll stop now.

I don’t remember what I said after suggesting we could keep texting. I know I did not make plans to see or talk to her again, and I suppose that’s good enough. She sent me a text thanking me for dinner and saying that she enjoyed meeting me. I reciprocated with, “You’re welcomed. I enjoyed meeting you, too.” Nothing more.

There are other reasons aside from her lack of physical attractiveness that I’m not interested. Based on our conversations tonight, I’m a somewhat regimented person, and she likes change. I’m very introverted and independent, and she can’t stand solitude. The distance would also bother me. If we were to date, my weekend would be consumed by driving three hours in total to see her, or her doing the same to see me. Such an arrangement would necessitate and sort of commitment right off that bat, and I just don’t have the willingness for that. At least, that’s what I’m going to tell Sydney tomorrow. I hope she remembers my “no expectations” provision. As for this date, I would have been much happier to keep my $30, not spend an hour-and-a-half on the road, and have spent my Saturday night doing laundry, playing Rocket League, and watching Hulu like usual. That’s the new plan going forward.