Annnnnd…it’s Monday again.
The weekend kicked off on Friday at 4:30 with a zoom meeting called by Boss so we can talk about our “wins” for the month. He said it wouldn’t take a full 30 minutes so we could actually kick our weekend off before 5 (gee, thanks?), but he ended up pontificating until well after 5, so…
Went home, had a nice dog walk, talked with my parents a bit and then spent the rest of the evening scrolling through social media like a weirdo. I have a strange obsession with a few locally “famous” Instagrammers and they’ve led me into Tik Tok world which is a whole other can of wacky worms. I truly need to take a social media break or at least go on a diet. Mindless stuff, but then I end up delving into politics and social issues and I start to get anxious and…ugh, it’s a whole spiral.
Saturday morning I got up and took the dog to daycare so I could have the whole day to myself. Ha. I know it sounds weird, but I just hate the thought of Martini sitting at home alone all day (even though I know she’d likely sleep the whole time), so I send her to daycare when I know I have stuff going on.
I went to this ah-may-zing outdoor workout that I’d signed up for with my neighbor. She ended up not being able to go, and I debated canceling, but I decided to go and I’m so glad I did for a couple of reasons: (1) because it was like no other workout I’ve ever done, combining meditation and a few yoga poses with intense heart-revving dance steps and all-around great movement and body-mindfulness, (2) I met a couple of people, and (3) there was a frozen cocktail at the end! The outdoor space was a few blocks from me and it was the first time I’ve walked those few blocks by myself in a long, long time (since being assaulted). That was actually liberating. And the space also houses a piece of art that’s so mesmerizing to me. Bottom line, great morning.
During workout, I’d gotten a text from M, who’d agreed to go on a road trip with me next month (now just a couple of weeks away). We’d done quite a bit of planning and I’d reserved the awesome hotel and an SUV for us because we were going to make it a family road trip with our dogs! Anyway. She asked me to call her and I had a feeling that it wasn’t going to work out for various reasons. First of all, her BFF’s daughter died, at the tender age of 20, very recently and the memorial was on the day we were supposed to leave. I asked if she might still be able to go if I changed the dates and she hemmed and hawed about that because her parents are not in great shape, and things are happening with their living situation on a daily basis. As in, assisted living and memory care and all of that stuff. So yeah, she can’t go. I’m still debating on taking the trip solo…but as you will see in this entry, I don’t want to spend any more time alone right now. I’ve spent the last several years creating amazing solo vacations that suited me just fine. BUT THIS IS NOT THE YEAR.
Much to think about as far as that little nugget. I either need to cancel my rezzies or figure it out pretty quickly.
Lunch was spent on a socially distanced patio with an ooooold friend I’d lost touch with . Former co-worker of mine from way back in my fashion days when we were all young, naive assistants beginning to travel to New York and L.A. for markets and such. Back in those days we had to share hotel rooms and she and I took a couple of epic trips together and were close for a while, but we both moved on and kind of went our separate ways. It was great to catch up with her - she told me that she was working her dream job with a giant hotel corporation doing marketing deals and it did sound like a rockstar gig. But that was before Covid. She was laid off and has decided to go into real estate, which I can never understand - ONLY because I don’t really understand that business. Interesting to think about how our paths have gone in such different directions.
Then, a few errands run. Have you SEEN all of the pumpkin stuff at Trader Joe’s?? Holy hell, it’s like a pumpkin truck dumped over in that store and literally everything has a pumpkin version. Gotta say I bought into the hype and picked out some pumpkin pancake mix, pumpkin spice dipped pretzels and even the pumpkin cheesecake to take to my parents house for dessert on Sunday. Basic bitch. Sue me.
Then I swooped up Martini at daycare and had a patio dinner with a couple of my gay dudes that are friends with my super social neighbor. SSNeighbor was away on a family girls trip with her mom and what looked like 12 of her sisters (social media posts). Dinner was cool and lovely, but I didn’t feel 100% comfortable for some reason. I feel a little bit like a peripheral in this circle of friends. Have you ever hung out with people when the “glue” of the group is not there? That’s how it felt.
Home by 9:45 on Saturday night feeling bloated and with the feeling that something major is missing from my life.
Sunday morning sleep-in just a bit because I didn’t sleep well on Saturday night and kept getting on my phone to see if it would lull me back to sleep (never does - why do I do this?).
Took Martini to the farmers market for fresh lettuce, green beans, cukes and sweet potatoes. There were a bajillion kinds of gourds on display so that was fun…
Then off to mom and dad’s for my usual Sunday visit. I don’t know why, but I was impatient yesterday. I know that my folks are slowing down, but my SIL is also slow with doing things and my niece can be sooooo high-maintenance. I know, I know, she’s not even 5 years old, but she is so coddled that I get annoyed. Don’t get me wrong, I love them all dearly. The annoyance was 100% on me, but I need to practice my patience. Also, I am always watching the time when I go there on Sundays. Why is that? I feel guilty for that. The time will come when I will miss the days when I could see my whole family.
My SIL made these fabulous Chinese buns for lunch and they were delicious. Made me think of my Chinese business trips and how far off they seem…because they ARE tucked away in my memory now. Come November it will be five years since my last China trip - the blood, sweat and tears and the HOT Icelandic pilot who swept me off my feet for a few days and nights in Shanghai. I have such fond, fond memories of that last trip even though it was grueling. But that’s what those trips are made of. Do you think I will ever experience trips like that again?
I think so. I think that life is going to be different moving forward, but there is going to be new life and new experiences to be had. I have such faith that we will all create a new “me” for ourselves as we move through the next few months.
We’re also all gonna need therapy.
Anyway. The last part of the weekend was a little iffy because I wasn’t sure if she was still game, but I’d run into another neighbor who takes her dog to the same daycare as Martini. We said hello on Thursday evening and talked about maybe having cocktails on Sunday evening. So as the evening rolled around I was thinking I could take it or leave it, and that’s kind of the sentiment of my text. But she said that yes, she’d still like to take the dogs for a walk and stop for a drink.
So that’s what we did. A dog walk to the park and across the street is a sweet little Mexican place that serves spicy skinny margaritas. A couple of those and we were ready to call it a night. So she walked me back to the corner of the area where I was mugged and then said she was going to break off towards her building. It freaked me out a little to have to walk those three blocks home in the dark without my pepper spray, but I did it. I can promise you that I was as alert as I’ve ever been, looking front, sides and behind me the whole time!
But I made it! Yes, I made it home and through another weekend during Covid.
Now begins a new week and new opportunities to make it better than it was last week. I’m off to make that happen.
Love to you,