A post from Facebook. in Life

I’m not sure how I’m going to go about this but for the past week or so I’ve been quietly observing my use of Social Media and really wondering what, exactly, it’s adding to my life. Or more accurately, taking away. The fact that I’ve thought this much about the topic and I still think it’s a ridiculous thing to take such a serious tone with just shows how much it’s infected my way of living.

I… don’t like… who I am after using social media, and maybe that’s an age thing or it’s just that my attention economy is becoming tighter so I’m looking at things I don’t enjoy and asking myself “why am I still doing this?” Right now, I like where I’m at in life. Which of course means that I’m looking for things that I don’t like in life. The closer you are to perfection the more the cracks show or philosophical (See pretentious) like that.

Over the past decade or so I’ve had 3 significant deaths in my life. Nick, a co-worker. Shaun, a close friend and my Nana. After all 3 of those people passed, I felt a sense of regret and thought “I wish I had talked to them more” because each individual had a wealth of personal experience and wisdom that is now lost to the world, only passed on to people that took the time to really get to know them. With Shaun in particular the outpouring of passionate stories about how he helped in clutch moments it made me realize how little I actually knew him as he grew older. But I did know that he posted hilarious stuff on Facebook and I always Reacted to it and I told myself that I had communicated with that person. These micro-interactions left me feeling satisfied with my role as a friend and I moved on.

But the key word there is “Satisfied” Which should really be a baseline statement in our relationships. I am Satisfied with my relationship with Julie. But is that really good enough for me? When Shaun and I were younger our relationship was this dense, complex and often controversial mass of emotions but as we aged and grew apart it became shallow and existent. It was there. I acknowledged it and I was satisfied. When I look at that word, Satisfied, I’m reminded of an interaction I had with someone at work. They asked how my day was, I said “Not Bad” and they said “I’m Great. I don’t like ‘not bad’ it’s half way to shit” Mind. Blown.

Satisfactory, to me, is half way to failed (Thanks public school grading system) When I say it’s a baseline, it should be where we idle at a stop light, not where we park. I want fulfillment from my friendships and I want to be fulfilled by the people I surround myself with. Facebook doesn’t allow that. (Late ‘preface’ these are my opinions, emotions and reactions. I’m not calling anyone out on how you use Facebook or social media, Pam fervently disagrees with my take on this because she uses social media in a totally different way than I do). Facebook allows shallow Reactions and the sense of something being there that really isn’t.

Recently I’ve become part of a vibrant and unique community that communicates all the god damned time and it’s great. I love it. I’m having a blast talking to these people and slowly getting to know them more and more and I think that contrast has put everything else under a magnifying glass. A lot of us right now are looking at the world like “oh my god what next” and I can’t imagine what’s next and I don’t really want to know because there’s a good chance that it’s out of my control. While a lot of us are sitting here thinking the world is in it’s worst state and getting worse, I’m looking back at my 20’s where the world was still perceptibly shit but I didn’t care, I wasn’t as hyper focused on it as I am in my 30s and I’m sure I’ll be looking back on it in my 40’s thinking the exact same thing.

As we grow older, our Attention Economy needs to evolve. With Children, Careers and Adulting, everything is changing, again (or is it still?) and if we don’t adjust what we’re giving our attention to, are we evolving or being left behind? If you’re feeling left behind reach out to me, I’d love to talk to people about this but for now, I’m deleting Facebook and Instagram off my phone to free up some of my Attention Debt and maybe get out of the Red.