*Slightly Manic Version
State of My Heart:
Grieving continues, but something strange has happened. My heart somehow feels some kind of relief - already! I’m worried a little bit that I may be suppressing something. Yesterday marked the one month mark, and I’m actually blown away by how OK I’m feeling. I mean, I spent three weeks practically on my knees, bawling my eyes out, so why do I feel thisway now? It’s kind of eerie…
Maybe it’s the little voice inside my head telling me that he’s already moved on? Maybe it’s telling me that it’s OK for me to move on.
The other thing is that my friend Lovely Leah gave me some advice that I know I’ve heard before, but it was only until she told me straight up to my face that I think I got it: she said I needed to get MAD at him…get ANGRY! Up until that point I was just so full of sorrow that I didn’t feel any anger. I actually felt bad for the guy….um…why?? I mean, I do get it. I think he tried hard for a while, but Lovely reminded me about how, when we were going through the infidelity bullshit, he used to call her and tell her that he didn’t/couldn’t do the exercises that the therapist had prescribed. In fact, she implied that he’d come on to her during our weird separation. She told me that she’d gotten mad at him and that she had to stop talking to him for a while. Anyway, she told me that I should get mad and certainly have reason to be mad about the whole thing. I did. I got mad with her on Saturday night. And then I drank like it was the end of the world.
The third and final thing is that I joined this insane thing called Tinder. Do you know this thing? It’s an app for your phone and it’s kind of a sick, sick thing. Kinda like match.com on steroids. I guess it’s intended for hookups. I’d heard of it from someone else on Prosebox. Basically you post pix from your Facebook and then the app uses GPS or something to show you people in close proximity who are interested in meeting (read: hooking up). It’s fast-paced…basically it’s “Hot or Not”, but with the twist of actually being able to communicate with that person and then get together (if you want).
Now. I’m not down with hookups (yet), but what I am okay with, at least right now, is lots and lots and LOTS of men flirting with me. We’re talking some of the most handsome, chiseled faced, hot-bodied, well spoken, delicious-looking men I’ve ever seen. And the thing is, YOU get to pick whoever you think is hot! Meaning, any guy you get the creeps from, you just swipe your screen in the “NOPE” direction and you’ll never, ever hear from them! WHERE has this thing been my entire dating career?
Don’t get me wrong, I picked some weirdoes when I first got on it on Sunday night and they are still creeping around, but I also picked one in particular who actually has me a little excited (in a kinda dirty kinda way).
So look. It’s a wonderful, wonderful distraction. Is it going to cure my broken heart? No way. Is it soooooo nice to hear handsome men tell me how beautiful they think I am? Absolutely. Am I superficial? Right now, without a doubt. But it’s helping.
I’m just still a little concerned that I may have a grief-crash at some point.
State of My Career:
Interview was last Wednesday, and it went…okay, I guess. I haven’t heard ANY feedback, and I think that’s kind of weird…but then again, I have been there before with job interviews. You go a long time without hearing anything and then all of a sudden, BOOM.
I loved, LOVED the VP of the area. I’d be reporting to her. Her husband is the CEO of a company that is a household name in the US, and she is just a badass…high-energy, super friendly and excited about everything, extremely well-spoken and insanely fashionable. I want to be HER! I really want to work for her. I liked everything about her.
My only concern is the interview parts with the HR folks. It was kind of a strange couple of interviews (two HR people) and they leaned very negative and that was concerning to me. I’m not sure what it all means, but I hope I’m just making a bigger deal out of that part.
I can do this! I would rock this job! I want it and I would love any positive thoughts you could pass my way. Thank you, much appreciated.
State of My Friends:
Love them, love them, LOVE them! I’m just so thrilled to be rekindling my old (and new!) friendships. I am a lucky girl, I know that. But my friends are such wonderful, beautiful people.
I find that the effort you put in is the effort you get in return.
I told Lovely Leah about the goings on of my breakup and she immediately took it upon herself to invite herself over to stay with me last weekend. What a joy! What a wonderful time! And she let me act like a dumbass and get drunk and practically barf my feelings all over her. She is a dream.
So it seems that everyone else I come in contact with…from the emails and texts and phone calls (I’m not good on the phone, but that’s OK!), to the near strangers who pick me up and wrap their arms around me (I’m talking to YOU , Prosebox folks). I am truly lucky and I promise not to take it for granted.
I love you and need to get back to work!
XXOOX!
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