It's Just About To Break... in Just Moments

~So question of the day... Why do guys say these things that make them seem like such jerks?? I seriously don't understand. If you want to be with me don't act like a jerk. I promise your chances of being with me go up immensely if you are a normal person and don't make me feel like shit. Just saying. I didn't think that this was a really complicated philosophy but apparently I'm wrong. I don't know what to think anymore. I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life, but if this is how I'm going to be treated when I do meet someone then I want no part of it. Its not fair to me and I just don't want it.

~In other news I had a great weekend hanging out with a few different friends that I haven't seen in a while. They make me feel like I have something worth living for and no matter how much time has past between our last meetings we just pick up where we left off. Its so great to know that I will always fit in somewhere even if I don't see these friends that often. I know that someday these people won't be around because they will all get married and start having families but I'm going to appreciate it as long as possible. And who knows maybe we will all hang out together after that point. Only the future holds the truth and to find out I have to make it there.

~Even though I've had a great weekend, I still think about ending it all. It no where near the acting stages and to be honest I don't think I'll ever get there again, but you never know. Life is just so broken, even when things are going well. Nothing is ever fully together. Some part is always broken. I never really noticed it before, or maybe I did but never really realized it, but I do now. I mean there are so many good things in life, but then there are just some things that totally suck. Like hardcore suck. And maybe over time these things will no longer suck, but right now they do and perhaps in the future other things that didn't suck will... There is no way of knowing. I just hope that at some point I can feel whole. I don't know if that will ever happen but I do wonder what that feeling will be like. I don't think I've ever experienced it and I may never experience it but that doesn't stop me from hoping for it.

~Well I should get going... Happy Monday! <3