That Visit was a Mindfuck in Days of My Destiny

So my mother-in-law spent most of the week ensuring she was spending her time in a different room in the house than me. She spent most of the week avoiding me, ignoring me, talking over me, not acknowledging any of the things I did (like she normally would)....... and then, out of the blue, she'd come and stand next to me and kindly rub my arm while talking to me, or she'd hug me.

It truly was a mindfuck.

I took it and didn't care too much to be honest. It pissed me off in parts and I had no patience for it in others, but for the most part, I let her be and resolved to not give a shit. Besides, I was too busy rushing off here and there, having a LIFE for once, to even think about it too much. (I was SO GLAD that I was that busy though, because just quietly, if I had been forced to endure THAT CRAP for an entire week with nothing else going for me, I would've had it by Tuesday. And they left on Sunday.)

I was relieved to know that L struggled in their silence too. It's like, they have NOTHING to share with us. Every conversation ends in nothing. In silence. It's crap. I wonder if perhaps we've reached a point in our lives where the age gap is just too obvious? They are ageing, like, REALLY starting to age now. You can see it in the way they are so sickeningly attached to routine. She said to me at one point that when you get older, all your conversations are no longer about your kids but about Health. (Lol.) At one point when we were awkwardly having a coffee at a café (and she was directing ALL conversation to Little L...), she did start to talk about someone and some gross health-related topic. When that happened, I just KNEW... they are ageing.

The thing is, ageing physically is one thing. But them.... they're ageing mentally and LOVING it. It's like, they've only just turned 60, but they WANT to be 80. Lol. And I mean heck.... my newest role model is a now-deceased woman who tap danced her whole life - until her death at the age of 96!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THAT'S what I want to be like!! Give me health and vitality and zest for life ANY DAY!!!! Not this BULLSHIT talk about the weather and quickly packing up and washing up straight after every single fucking cup of tea!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously, the thing that hurt though was one day midweek... him, her and I sat at the table and had a cup of tea. We were talking away, and I was halfway through my cuppa, when all of a sudden, she got up, started clearing the table, put all items away, washed all dirty items, and then he got up and helped her, they washed up, wiped up, cleaned up - and then walked out of the room. And I was left sitting there, with my cup of tea still half full, looking around at all the empty chairs around me. I counted 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 empty chairs, and I have never wanted my family sitting in those chairs as much as I did that day. I imagined The Teens sitting there, keeping me company. I was angry and hurt. FUCK that kind of rudeness.

It was weird...... it seriously was weird. It's like... we went through the motions, having the cups of tea, talking about what plans we had for the day........ doing these things because we had to, doing all the formalities because that's what's always been done... and then ANYTHING ELSE? We fucked it right off. SHE fucked it right off. And as for me.... well I let it be.

I made a cake for him because it's his birthday soon and he'll be overseas for it. I made it at L's request. I decorated it nicely and put a candle in it. M decorated grandad's chair. We blew up balloons. I sprinkled these "Happy Birthday" little miniature decorative signs across the table. Do you think she said FUCK ALL about it??? I KNOW that normally she would be oohing and ahhing over every single thing I would've been doing (and yes that also gave me the shits, but this was worse). She said NOT ONE WORD about my making of the cake for her husband. She didn't even acknowledge it.

That night, we had sausages on bread for dinner (as per their ever strong Saturday night tradition). I sliced the onion and buttered the bread, and L coked the sausages. We both served the meals. Little L thanked me for dinner - in front of everyone, over the dinner table - and I smiled deeply and told her she was welcome. I told her what daddy did and what I did. My mother-in-law was sitting across from me. Not fifteen minutes went by when she sat there and said, "Thank you for dinner, L."

Fucking bitch!!!!

L glanced over at me (because he's aware of what the week has been like) to gauge my reaction. I tried to deadpan it. But seriously, after a week of being ignored in my own house, I had the shits then. I stood up and said, "I sliced the onion and buttered the bread." And walked over to get dessert ready. I KNOW it's one of those stupid, STUPID things, one of those LITTLE things that really I should've let go of, and I KNOW I made a fool of myself... but at the same time, I DON'T CARE. It was one too many of the little things in the end. So fuck her.

She rang me today (they travelled home yesterday) and had a LOOOVVVELY chat.

I don't care.

I think there's a certain door in my heart that has closed there, and I'm not sure that it will ever open again. I simply don't care.

And the thing is.... she hates confrontation. The amount of times I have wanted to discuss something with her, and L has strongly advised me NOT to because it would just make her cry... is fucking bullshit. I told him last night that one day soon I will seriously be confronting her. I meant what the HELL have I done?!? Last I knew we were all getting along just fine and dandy at Christmas!! I need to know and I'm not going to play her stupid games forever. She has to be told and put in her place, or at least SOMETHING needs to be said, because I ain't puttin' up with this for the rest of my life!!!!! And actually to my surprise? THIS time, L whole heartedly agreed, that something needs to be done and that I really should confront her.