11 Updates in These Foolish Things

I decided to go ahead and get the tooth implant (see previous entry for my drama about the whole thing), and today is the extraction of what’s left of my current tooth that’s broken down way under the gum. I had to go back and forth with the dentist about getting a flipper (the fake tooth that will go in the empty spot while I wait for my gums to heal). Not sure why this was even an issue, but I can’t walk around with a toothless space in my mouth. Yes, it’s in the back of my mouth, but it’s suuuuper noticeable when I smile. Maybe it’s vain of me, but I’m very self-conscious about it and I’d rather spend the extra money and have it and not need it (read: masks) than think about it constantly. The only thing I have left to do that might hinder getting my tooth extracted today is to remind my doctor that I’m on aspirin therapy because of my aneurysm. This could possibly change things, but I have a feeling that it won’t and I’ll come home this afternoon with a hole my head.

My sweet Martini dog got so sick on Sunday!! She threw up about seven times in a row at my parents house when I was there for my weekly visit. And she became so lethargic and listless it freaked me out so much that I drove her the hour back to [my city] and straight to the emergency vet. Of course, there are coronavirus protocols in place so I couldn’t go inside with her. I literally waited outside the vet office for FIVE hours while they did bloodwork and administered subcutaneous fluids. It took a couple of days for her to snap out of it, but she finally seems to be back to her bubbly self. Thank GOD. I was really, really worried about her for a while and even started thinking about what would happen if she didn’t make it! Dramatic? Sure. But y’all. This is 20fucking20 - anything goes this year.

The dating situation is bleak. The Foxy Silver disappeared (no surprise, we didn’t have anything in common and I wasn’t into all of his grandkid stories), and Lorenzo is a sporadic texter who hasn’t invited me on any more dates. There are a couple of Hinge dudes who don’t seem into it, and likewise. I’m not sure what to do about this. Not sure how to get back into being interested in dating. Meh. This isn’t really anything new, I suppose. Maybe it has nothing to do with Covid. I WANT to be into it, so why am I not? I guess I’m just sad that I’m alone with no signs of not being alone for a long, long, looong time. Fuck.

Work continues, thankfully. If I haven’t said this enough, I’m beyond thankful to have a job during this crisis - even with being furloughed for nine weeks. I’ll take this over being unemployed - especially now when the benefits have been cut. I was lucky to benefit from the extra $600/week. All of that to say that it still doesn’t keep me from being sometimes “meh” about it. According to Boss, it appears that I’ll be going back to the office on August 17th. I’m pleased with that. As I’ve said before, I don’t really like WFH. I love having a place to go and do my job. I like that structure. I’ll be happy when I’m back in the office. There will only be a select few of us and that’s just fine with me. More on that later, I’m sure.

The move has taken a back seat. I’ve just had too many financial setbacks (read: $5K+ tooth and emergencies at the vet, etc) to break my lease to the tune of several more thousand dollars. Thing is, as sucky as it is to not feel safe in this area, I feel very safe when I’m tucked inside my apartment. I am able to park directly underneath the building and can go straight to my car and take the dog to various parks to walk her. I don’t have to step foot outside on the street level, and while it’s not optimal, it will be even better when I go back to the office and can take the dog with me and we can walk at the parks close to the office where we used to walk before Covid.

But the great clean-out continues! I know I talk all the time about decluttering, but I also have a storage space here in the building that holds SO MUCH STUFF. For example, I’ve moved and moved several times and I keep hauling boxes and boxes of memories with me: old love letters, photos of kids from elementary school, middle school and high school (whyyyy was I keeping these?!), old work awards, old portfolios of stuff. Just…things that have been keeping me down. I started ruthlessly tossing things that don’t spark joy for the move, but I have also found that continuing to unload all of this extra weight is making me feel better. Surrounding myself with old memories was actually bringing me down - not really sure why, but each box that’s cleaned out has been making me know that while it’s fine to look back every once in a while, to pine about the past is unhelpful. The love letters are gone (many of them were sad anyway…old shitty boyfriends trying to get back in my good graces), the pictures were too much (I took iphone photos of the ones I liked best), too many books, too many tchotchkes. I continue to toss and donate…

Since I’m not moving in September, I want to take a trip in late September, maybe early October or even for my birthday at the end of October. Where should I go? And I don’t want to go alone. And of course, I don’t want to fly so it’s gonna have to be a road trip. My friend Jack told me he’d go with me, but he’s also looking at me like a wolf looks at a little lamb. He wants to have a sexytime trip, and I’m just not into a sexytime trip with him. Don’t get me wrong, love the guy like a brother…or maybe just a good friend. But I’m just not into his thing - he loves to post “sexy” stuff on socials. Like, he is totally over the top with the sexual innuendo. It would be great if I was into him because, possible boyfriend. So it’s a shame. And I don’t want to go on vacation with him. So. Now what do I do?

Diet. Hm. What to say? Covid sucks and I’m puffy.

Parents doing well. Brother is back to teaching school and it just started and he’s so freaked out that he’s going to get Covid that he’s left my SIL and niece at my parents’ place. I think it’s a good idea of him to quarantine - especially since he’s said that the kids don’t wear masks nor do they social distance. But this is not sustainable.

Our country needs a leader. SORELY. I won’t say any more about that, but it’s incredibly important because our country is falling apart. I don’t want to leave this on a bad note, so I’ll add an 11th bullet point.

Thank you, ProseBox, for providing me a place to puke all of this stuff up. I feel better writing it all out and this place is invaluable. Thank you to everybody here - noters and well-wishers and just positive thinkers. I love you more than you know. xoxox