Sinatra on the stereo and a mixed drink in my hand in Sometimes I feel dead inside

last night was a bust, i couldn't find what i was looking for. i've been thinking that i've been going about things all wrong. i'm legitimately considering suiting up tonight. my suit needs to be cleaned though. that's not going to happen. i've been thinking about how death has been haunting my life as of late. my brother's childhood best friend passed away this past week. now its not really hitting me hard, they won't until they are the closest people to me. i've just become numb to this whole mess. it put me in a bit of an odd mood. i'm going out a bit earlier tonight. i saved a couple bucks calling it early last night. i need to remember i am going to have fun. i'm not working a job. so i'm going to clean up my room a little, do a little cardio get my sweat going on, then hit the shower. i've already shaved, trimmed my nails, i'm paying attention to the details tonight. my game plan is to just relax and not care. starting with my different pregame, sinatra and a mixed drink. part of me wishes i had a pack of cigarettes. that's a bit counter productive now isn't it? going to put on a couple of clips from movies i like. then its out to cause some mischief.