A real entry in 2020 Vision

I didn’t mean to take another impromptu break from Prosebox. I’ve barely even logged in. Every time I log in my bookmarks list is hella long, and I get too exhausted seeing everything I need to catch up on that I don’t actually end up writing anything. But it occurred to me that since my 6 week follow up on the Prozac trial is this Thursday, it’s probably been too long since I last wrote.

Things have been pretty okay. I had a breakdown the night The Young Buck left. One of my friends texted me “How are you feeling?” and that’s all it took for the tear ducts to burst wide open. Glad it was through text, so that display of emotion was kept private. It sucks so much. He’s already bored in Ohio, and I think in his young, naive mind, he was hoping that corona was exclusive to Washington only and that Ohio would be better. Ohio is currently actually worse than Washington, and he is realizing that I was correct in all my e-mails: corona will not be gone by the start of the school year. He has orientation for his fall semester next week, so he will learn more about how his classes will be handled then, but he’s not feeling overly optimistic about how his college life experience. I tried sooooo hard to get through to him. He’s not particularly enjoying having his family so nearby either. Even talked about moving back to Washington after one particular rough evening he had. I tried to sway him from this possibility, guys. Hopefully things start looking up for him.

Anywho, its been nearly 6 weeks of me being on Prozac. I am undecided how I feel about it. I no longer feel like impulsively running away, and I feel less angry and agitated overall, but I AM SO TIRED. Well, was. feeling more myself this week. But all of last week, the week before, and this weekend, I felt dead to world. I didn’t even get out of my bed till 3pm on Sunday. That hasn’t happened since my teenage years. Hiking? No energy for that! But my food intake hasn’t been the best lately, so I’m hoping it was more related to that than the prozac. Went grocery shopping and bought a lot of protein rich foods, and am feeling more energized. So I don’t know. Its like “yeah I feel less likely to implusively do something stupid and regrettable, but I also don’t have the energy to wake up in the morning.” And I also don’t know if some of the tiredness is just from the craziness of the world and lingering feelings/exhaustion from The Young Buck’s departure. So I really don’t know. I do know that me laying in bed until 3pm on a sunny Sunday is not a step in the right direction, so that can’t happen again.

Hope you are all staying safe and healthy <3