I went to a very controlled friends house (they dont interact with people at their work environment and their kids dont do anything in public etc.) on saturday. I told my mom about this last week, with everything I just said, (plus I went there over memorial day weekend, same conditions)
For some reason my mom has stopped talking to me, to the point of being beyond rude about it. Its draining me emotionally even more, and I’m just done. I’m getting more depressed by the day, and with the way things are going i’m gonna have to hole up soon. Allegheny is getting nuts, and that nuttiness is gonna cross over to my home county soon.
I have not been sleeping well, been going to bed at 3amish and not falling asleep for at least an hour due to not getting comfortable, probably due to anxiety, which makes me fall asleep (at least) once a day. (And the funny thing is? I slept fairly well after i came home saturday, maybe gaming = less anxiety, and i sleep a little bit better tuesday nights as well) I also somehow hurt my elbow playing on my switch, which is just wonderful.
And the thing about this entire situation is this isn’t an isolated thing, since December, ive been tracking days like this and its getting more numerous. She yells at the tv screen over things and she’s getting to be sadly a stereotypical old person. And the other thing is, I know i said this before but i’m more and more concerned about her memory. I had her debit card for some groceries and dinner, plus gas for my car (which i never got but whatever) I gave it back to her today, and after some banter she thought I paid for a board game or something? I’m concerned, and have been for a while, and of course its gonna fall on me to take care of her because I just have a brother in name only and no other family.
I also feel like ive lost my house cause i dont control anything. I slink to my bedroom at 7ish or so and just blah. My kitties come to visit though so thats good. Anymore i’m just sore, tired, anxious, depressed and just.. rambling.
Fortunately I have a switch (been playing a carp ton of slay the spire) and found a youtube channel that is showing old school match games (and some awesome people are in it Don Adams, Arlene Francis, Leslie Nielsen and william shatner) Been watching those.
Its been a week of involuntary quiet, and i dont see an escape. Id ask for help but I dont know where to go.
My kitties love me though which is a bonus.
Edit: Oh yeah, my motivation is nil, its probably below nil.
Last updated July 14, 2020