Being Respectful in Life Lessons

  • June 3, 2020, 9:38 a.m.
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Ok, More advice needed....
I am 21 and a female and my Fiance is 20, I still live with my parents and I have always been very respectful to them (always avoiding fights and confrontation)- and my fiance lives around the corner in my parents rent house (we plan to live here after we are married)
The wedding is August 15th 2020
my parents are paying for it
but my parents have been very controlling over the wedding planning (more in last post)
my parents think my Fiance is immature and super controlling over me and they keep telling me its my decision and I don’t have to marry him and how they never get alone time with me because he is always around - my mom told all my family that he is pressuring me into things I don’t want in the wedding (really she is the one doing this) and making me stress sick
my Fiance wants to stand up to them but I don’t want him to be an immature jerk about it and I don’t want them to be upset with me after he leaves for the night…
we plan to live here after the wedding and I don’t want it to be tough then, Fiance is to the point he wants to move back to his home town 3 hours away, but that’s not what I want for many reasons…
so really i just don’t know, should I let him stand up to them and risk a huge fight? Are my parents right about how he shouldn’t have a say in the wedding plans? Is my fiance just being immature? How do we solve it? Does fiance need to back off the wedding opinions/planning?
How do you stand up to my parents and still be respectful?

Barbara Bad June 03, 2020

I think you should let your fiancé stand up to them. Tell him to be respectful but he's going to be your husband. If you love him and trust him, let him defend you. Also in my experience, parents will actually relax when they know he's a brave man who will look after you rather than a silly boy who cowers from them.

CountryGirl Barbara Bad ⋅ June 03, 2020

Yeah, I guess I just worry about what I will have to put up with after he leaves me there...

Two Hermits and a Cat June 03, 2020

Ran across you again...I’m curious, are you an only child? Your mom sounds like she’s being quite territorial, a problem that probably will continue after the wedding.

Your fiancé should absolutely be part of the planning if he wants to be—this day is more about him than it is your parents. Maybe it’s time to sit down by yourself and outline what YOU, and only you, really want, and then tell both your fiancé and your parents. Value their input, but don’t change your mind on something you really want just to avoid an argument. If your mom knows it’s really coming from you, not your fiancé, hopefully she’ll face up to the fact that this is your wedding, not hers (hopefully).

CountryGirl Two Hermits and a Cat ⋅ June 03, 2020

No, I am the oldest tho! She is not as territorial over the others...

yeah, I have kinda done that - my mom is fine with it until I tell her my fiance agrees too, then she hates the idea...

Two Hermits and a Cat CountryGirl ⋅ June 03, 2020

In that case, I would just tell both your fiancé and your parents that can’t be in the middle anymore, and try to get them together to work things out. If they can’t work things out now, your mom is just going to keep interfering in your married life too—the wedding is just the tip of the iceberg.

CountryGirl Two Hermits and a Cat ⋅ June 03, 2020

Yeah, we find a middle ground and all get on the same page when my fiance is around but as soon as he leaves they just tear into me...
I worry about her being all up in our married life too...

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