Wedding planning in Life Lessons

  • June 1, 2020, 4:18 p.m.
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Any advice please!
i have always dreamed of having a wedding and planning it but now my mom has taken over and it’s miserable…
So my mother is super controlling, I am trying to plan my wedding - and she keeps taking over… she says my Fiance has no say in it and I barely have any say.
Here are a few examples:
my mom does not like my Fiances best friend so she threw a fit about him being a groomsmen, then we moved him to ushering, she threw a fit about that - so now he is not in it at all…
me and my Fiance and our photographer want to do the first look and most of the group photos before the wedding ceremony - my mom is throwing a fit because she don’t want us to see each other all day… and tells me if we do that then we might as well not have a wedding at all…
(My wedding is in my parents yard near their house)
she threw a fit because we can’t walk out the door she wants us to (because of a three foot drop off the sidewalk)
we wanted baked potatoes at the reception - our wedding was at 7 but we changed it to 6 to have potatoes (my mom said a 7 o clock wedding just needs snacks after so move the wedding up or have snacks instead, so we moved it to 6 and she went ahead and decided to have snacks instead of potatoes)
she has gone around telling everyone my fiance is trying to pressure me into things I don’t when in reality he is only pushing for what I want…
she keeps trying to push my fiance out of the decision making and I don’t know what to do… he is getting really upset and wants to tell them how he feels and I just don’t know how to fix anything… she always waits until he isn’t around then tries to manipulate and change my mind about plans me and him have made…

Any advice?

Two Hermits and a Cat June 01, 2020

Random noter...If it’s not too personal to ask, who’s paying for the wedding? I’ve observed that whoever is holding the pocketbook generally feels entitled to make all the decisions. My husband and I paid for our own wedding and while we had to keep things simple, it was nice to not have to answer to anyone.

If she’s financially involved then you really only have two options—stand up for yourself and tell her to butt out, and hope for the best, or throw in the towel and let her do all the planning without you. But giving in every time she throws a fit definitely won’t make her stop, it will just make her throw more fits.

CountryGirl Two Hermits and a Cat ⋅ June 02, 2020

yeah, they are paying... it is just difficult to fight especially when she has that pull on it...

ConnieK June 01, 2020

Another random reader here:
My foster daughter asked me to stand in as mother of the bride. I was honored. I helped with expenses and offered input but avoided pushing my preferences. It isn't MY wedding. You have the right to override her opinion but if she's paying for it, only you can decide if its important enough to fight her over it.

CountryGirl ConnieK ⋅ June 02, 2020

i should have considered it more seriously... we are in too deep now... we have fought over a few things but some things just aren't worth the fight..

Barbara Bad June 03, 2020

We ended up eloping because of interfering parents, so this isn't borne of experience. But many years and hindsight later I'd suggest you sit mum and dad and fiancé down and explain it's your wedding and this is what you want. Give your mum 100% control over an area or two that don't matter so much to you, maybe hen do and flowers or similar but then you do the rest. HOWEVER, if you're not paying for it, you must go cheap with your ideas or you're just going to look like a spoiled Bridezilla.

I'm guessing you're an only child or the first to marry out of your siblings? Remember mum is just stressing out because she loves you and wants it to be perfect. Show her your a grown woman, in control. (Or just let her do whatever she wants and turn up on the day. At the end of the day it's about a lifelong commitment to your fiancé not an excuse for a party!)

CountryGirl Barbara Bad ⋅ June 03, 2020

We have had that discussion an everyone says they are doing this for me to be happy but everyone wants to give their input...
I don't feel like i have had too many expensive things, I also have a full time job so I guess my mom feels she needs to take it into her own hands...
Not an only child, but the oldest and first to marry

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