Sick of myself in Internal conflicts

I feel terrible today. I fell into your trap again. How weak I am to not even be in charge of my own emotions. And it’s that power that I dont have that makes me sick of myself. A grown woman who cant behave like a normal functioning woman. This is disgusting and pathetic.
I’m pathetically begging for your attention and nods of acknowledgment
It’s all one sided.
Just on my side.
Longing for someone I won’t ever touch. For someone that doesn’t think of me ever.
The fantasies are running rampant blurring the truth of my reality