I was very depressed today. Not exactly sure why. I just wasn’t in a good mood. I went to the local newsagent to get a $5 scratchie (because way to fix depression Matt, gamble!) and the guy behind the counter just kept looking at his screen instead of serving me. I was thinking like, ‘Is he really busy? Oh I can wait…’ and after a while he noticed the 191cm guy fucking standing there waiting to be served and he was like, “I didn’t see you there. Call out next time!” and then burst into a fit of laughter. That just made me feel even more awkward. Can’t you read the room, dude? Maybe my outside face didn’t look like I wanted to fall into an endless pit.
I didn’t win, but it didn’t make me any more depressed, so that’s good. It got me out of the apartment for a few minutes. I had planned another home workout today to try and kill the blues but I couldn’t even bring myself to do that today! I knew that a sleep would make me feel better. It’s usually my go-to when I’m down. So I pretty much went back home right away and fell asleep before I knew it. I was probably only out for less than an hour. When I awoke, my door was open and my laptop was still open and paused on a video I was watching - for some reason I’d been watching the workroom entrances of each other the RuPaul’s Drag Race winners. How have there been 12 seasons of that? Man time flies.
Anyway, I felt a little bit better for the evening, like I knew I would. I finished watching Penn And Teller’s Fool Us and then watched a few Aussie documentaries on the ABC which are always interesting. At least that sense of dread had left me alone and stayed in slumberland.
Speaking of dreams, I forgot to write before that I had a sex dream about Bailey last night, so that was interesting that my mind decided to go there. I’d also fallen asleep IN my nightgown haha. I know it’s been getting cold lately, but that’s ridiculous. So maybe that’s all it took to bring on a dark presence for me this morning and this afternoon? Then again it threw an awesome candidate for a sex dream at me as well, so I win some I lose some. The ironic thing is I’ve hooked up with Bailey a few times in the past, but a long time ago since the last one. He was initially into me back when I was a twink (and he was an Asian twink so looked like a fetus) but I wasn’t into him, then the bastard went and made himself really hot so he piqued my interest, but by then he wasn’t into me lol. Story of my life - unrequited love! Ships in the night! Every so often (like once a year or so) I’ll get a random surprise Snapchat from him or something (and even more rarely, he’ll be horny) but I have no idea where he is or what he’s doing these days. Anyway, I’ll settle for that dream kthanksbye.