Have I put myself on exile for too long,
that solitude no longer feels wrong?
a vacant space without a vibrant soul.
I’m afraid to forget
how it feels to open up,
letting anyone in,
risking the pain.
Yet I fear of losing
either my freedom or sanity
maybe all or somewhere in-between.
What if they start taking up my space,
leaving me no room to breathe?
What if they have the nerve to redecorate
my heart with their name
before abandoning me,
leaving nothing but guilt and shame?
Have I got too much of a vacant space?
Is it safe enough to share?
No guarantee, eh?
Maybe I’m just a coward,
with shaky legs,
unsure about more steps forward.
They say feeling hollow invites evil,
so right now,
I’m only relying on me, myself, and I
- and God, The Creator of All…
Jakarta, May 2020