(Continued from Previous) in Musings and Daily Events

So after all of this goes down, I spiral into a deep depression. I hated being at work, I hated being at home, my boyfriend at the time lived almost 2 hours away. I really felt I had nowhere to run. So I drove. And I drove everywhere. I would just get in my car and gas up and fucking go. That was when the heavy smoking started.

I really isolated myself. I stopped talking to a lot of my friends, I only saw my boyfriend once a week. I would just smoke in my car, find a spot to park and stare into nothing. Just thinking about everything. It was really sad. Somedays, I would sit by the water and cry staring at the Tapan-Zee. But, looking back, it was also the beginnings of something truly magnificent.

During the isolation, I found myself. I really started getting into my head, getting philosophical about life. For the first time, I was able to see the beauty in life without the negative shit getting in the way. I realized life is so short, we could literally die in the next few minutes, so enjoy it as you want. I really had a lot of life-altering mental shifts and epiphanies during this time and eventually, I ended up getting a lot better. I was more productive at work, more empathetic at home. Yeah, both work and home were hard but, this was the life and career I chose so I was going to make the best of it. I didn’t have much of a life outside of work. I used to work 5-6 days a week, from 730 to between 630-8 depending on the day/week. I’d leave work, go on a little drive to smoke, go home, eat, shower, and go to bed exhausted.

Fast forward again to Oct 2018. I ended up breaking up with my boyfriend. I realized I just wasn’t happy with him and it was time to let go. It wasn’t fair to either of us to hang on to him just because I was comfortable. He didn’t deserve that.

Right after that, maybe about a week or two after, my job started heading super south. I already hated my job. I worked there for 3 years, asked my director if I could get “heavier work” so I can start making a little more commission ($900 a month to work 55+ hours a week was not cutting it, dawg), just to be told I’m still not ready. Then, I ended up getting suspended for absolute bullshit. I’m gonna try to make the suspension story short. For reference, I was a service advisor at a car dealership. If you ever brought your car to a dealer for service, I worked as the person to take your car in, write up the repair order, keep you posted on what we found and what the car needed, all that good stuff. Anyway, ee couldn’t leave early on Saturdays without doing our “homework” for the upcoming week so (the shop closed at 5 but we had to stay until 6 unless we finished our work for the day and our “homework”), while doing my homework my coworker gets up to leave after doing the bare fucking minimum (picture me writing paragraphs while he got away with 5 word sentncs tht lkd lke ths), so I decide, I’m going to leave too. I was the only person that worked on Sundays so I figured I can finish it properly and spend more time on it the next day. I don’t remember why I had to leave early, I think I had a family thing going on or else I really wouldn’t have minded staying, don’t forget, I hated being home. So Sunday comes around, and the director is actually there to do some paperwork. We talk, I run next door to grab us coffee while the cars were in the shop (I promise that part is important). I get started working on payroll (which no one pays me to do, I only do it to help out my manager because I love her and her Mondays are extra crazy if this particular portion of payroll isn’t done), I finish my homework, work a full day without any backup. It’s just me, 25 clients/cars and 4 technicians (which I’m used to on Sundays). I didn’t finish payroll so I ended up taking it home, perfectly normal for me to do on Sundays, just to come in on Monday morning to a suspension. I literally put payroll on the director’s desk, handed my manager her coffee (I sometimes would pick up Starbucks and bring her one) and she sits me down saying, “The director isn’t in today but, he wanted me to let you know you’ve been suspended because you left early on Saturday without finishing your homework.”

THAT FUCKING BASTARD. He didn’t have the balls to tell me on Sunday? He probably just wanted to make sure I was there working because he knew no one else would be willing to work a Sunday to cover my absence. I took my coffee and left without a single word. I just drove the whole day and the next day. I later found out, my other coworker (lets call her B) saw I left early and told the director I didn’t finish my homework and just walked out. So, yeah that was great. I walked in on Wednesday to an absolute mess and to my director having the fucking nerve to ask me to work on Friday (Fridays and Tuesdays were my days off). Of course, I came in because I’m also a fucking idiot. He says, “You’re the best and you know I really appreciate you.” Take your appreciation and shove it in your fucking dick hole.

LITERALLY THE NEXT WEEKEND, B leaves without during her homework. When the director confronted her about it Monday, she said she didn’t know she had to do it. And the issue was dropped. No reprimand, no suspension, fucking nothing
OH! DID I MENTION B IS THE GENERAL MANAGERS FUCKING SISTER! THE SHEER NEPOTISM!
I was so angry I cried. My manager cried for me. She went to speak to the dealer principal who basically said, “yeah it’s fucked up but there’s nothing I can do.”

I gave her the heads-up that I had every intention to quit Dec 31, 2018 and will put in my two-week notice when the time comes. I was not going to be exploited by this dealership any longer for $900 a month. Fuck. That.

(Moving on to another entry, I promise the next one will be fucking awesome!)